Coffee is for Closers

Amanda Knox to Go Free: Murder Conviction Overturned

2011-10-03T16:14:00.000-04:00

American Amanda Knox was ordered freed in a court in Perugia, Italy in an appeal of the sensational murder case of her roommate Meredith Kercher. A jury acquitted her on almost all charges.

The 24-year-old Knox had been sentenced to a 26-year sentence for the murder of her roommate, Briton Meredith Kercher. Kercher was found stabbed to death in their house in Perugia, where both she and Knox were students.

Knox's Italian boyfriend at the time, Rafaelle Sollecito, was also convicted of the murder. The two had been in prison for the last four years.

Both Knox and Sollecito spoke before the six-person jury shortly before they went into their deliberations. Knox proclaimed "I am innocent" in her statement, which she delivered in Italian. "I did not kill, I did not rape, I did not steal," Knox said in her emotional 10-minute statement to the jury.

Knox was found guilty on a charge of defamation and sentenced to three years, but since she had already served four years already, she was ordered released. CNN reported that she was to head back to prison to collect her belongings and was free to leave the country.

Amanda Knox News: Verdict Due; Acquittal Coming?

2011-10-03T00:56:00.001-04:00

Monday, Oct. 3rd is the day that a verdict is set to be announced in the appeal by Amanda Knox. Will she be acquitted of the murder of her roommate, Meredith Kercher?

Here are some of the latest bits of Amanda Knox news from the world press:
* Amanda Knox proclaimed "I am innocent" in her 10-minute statement to the jury, which she delivered in Italian. The jury began meeting soon afterward
* Australia's Herald Sun talks about how Knox is preparing her final statement to the jury that will decide her fate
* CNN offers an explainer on how Knox's case will be decided;
* another CNN piece looks at the Amanda Knox case timeline
* the Italian town of Perugia has taken a hit to its reputation, with the trial showing its seamy underside of drugs and drunken foreign students

In a previous post I talked about some of the info on Amanda Knox's MySpace page (which was later taken down). You can read what she had on her MySpace page, and see a screen capture of it there.

(See a gallery of Amanda Knox personal photos.)

Knox's appeal is focused on the evidence in the case, or rather the lack of it. Her team has argued that the DNA evidence is sketchy, and that despite the bloody crime scene found around Kercher, Amanda Knox's DNA was not found at the scene. Some of Knox's DNA was found on a knife believed to be the murder weapon, but since Knox and the victim were roommates, it's possible that the DNA got on the knife by completely innocent methods.

The defense has also argued that investigators botched the case by tainting the DNA evidence.

Knox's initial defense had to contend with inconsistent statements made by Knox herself and emotional appeals based on the bloody Meredith Kercher crime scene photos.

The six-person jury is expected to deliver its verdict on Monday in Perugia; the families of both Amanda Knox and Meredith Kercher will be in attendance.

Casey Anthony Acquitted; World Waits for Nancy Grace's Head to Combust

2011-07-06T10:24:00.003-04:00

Casey Anthony: "Hmm, book deal? Movie deal? 'Dancing With the Stars'?"

The Casey Anthony jurors have spoken, and the world holds its collective breath for the coming cataclysm: Nancy Grace's head exploding, or imploding, or bursting forth like a supernova. No doubt Grace was fuming after the acquittal of Casey Anthony in the death of her daughter Caylee, and probably spent her entire show Tuesday screeching "Tot mom! Tot mom! Tot mom!" at the top of her lungs. (She did apparently say that "the devil was dancing" at the verdict.)

The way Grace substitutes "tot mom" for the name "Casey Anthony" every chance she gets, you'd think she's trademarked the phrase. Maybe Grace is planning on marketing a series of "Tot Mom" t-shirts and coffee mugs? Or maybe she has a clause in her HLN contract that give her a nickel every time she utters the phrase "tot mom" on the air.

Nancy Dis-Grace certainly has plenty of devoted viewers, but plenty of folks find her act of proclaiming every development as "Stunning!," "Blockbuster!," "Bombshell!," etc. pretty tiresome. The New York Daily News called Grace “everything that’s wrong with cable TV.” And you have to wonder if it was news "personalities" like Grace that Ted Turner had in mind years ago when he lamented that cable news had descended into "pervert of the week" coverage.

Nancy Grace: expect her head to explode in 3, 2, 1... Photo: Vidiot

CNN has marketed Grace in the past as a "tough-as-nails former prosecutor," but her pit-bull style has earned her a lot of criticism and condemnation, even in her law career. The Supreme Court of Georgia has criticized her not once but twice, according to Wikipedia, including a heroin case in which she "'exceeded the wide latitude of closing argument' by drawing comparisons to unrelated murder and rape cases." In another case, the Court determined that "the conduct of the prosecuting attorney [Grace] in this case demonstrated her disregard of the notions of due process and fairness, and was inexcusable."

Grace isn't the only anchor to go overboard regarding the Anthony trial at HLN (the CNN channel formerly known as Headline News). Over the weekend we saw video of Jane Velez-Mitchell literally running after the defense attorneys to try to get a comment. And after the verdict was announced, the usually watchable Vinnie Politano fell way off the wagon and veered sharply into Nancy Grace territory. He pounded on the table and going on and on about Caylee Anthony being dumped like a pile of garbage, how could Casey Anthony not say anything for a month knowing her daughter is dead, etc., neglecting that those charges were not part of the State's indictment.

HLN should have pulled Mr. Politan off the air until he could compose himself, or take a Xanax or something. He embarrassed himself, and I'm sure a number of viewers were turned off by his over-the-top, one-sided harangue.

Watch Lady Gaga's "Judas" Video

2011-05-05T18:30:00.001-04:00

Lady Gaga has unleashed the video for her latest single "Judas" (above) and it combines some typical Gaga elements with a biblical theme. The singer dancing around in her underwear? Check. Crazy costumes, makeup, and hair? Check. Team of lithe, half-naked dancers? Yep. Throbbing dance beat? Oh hell yes. The "Judas" video has a motorcycle-gang motif going on, with the easy riders apparently the apostles of Jesus (names like "Peter," "Judas," etc. appear on the back of their leather biker jackets, along with the skull and crossbones).

Speaking of bikes, WWJR (What Would Jesus Ride?) Would he be a Harley guy, or would he go for an imported make like a Moto-Guzzi or a Swedish Husqvarna... OK, back to the "Judas" video. Lady Gaga at one point pulls out a big, shiny silver pistol and points it at Judas's head, but instead of bullets lipstick emerges from its barrel, and Judas gets a touch-up on his face with it.

Later on, Gaga is in a hot tub with Judas and Jesus, and Judas has a six-pack of cans with him. Is that biblical beer? At one point he pulls out a can and pours the liquid on Gaga's back, and it looks more like root beer. I don't know if they had motorcycles, lipstick guns, or root beer back in biblical times, but there is a foot-washing scene and Jesus does wear a crown of thorns, so Lady Gaga does make a few attempts at historical accuracy.

If Judas were alive today he'd probably want one of those bad-ass motorcycles -- and a leather biker jacket -- instead of the pieces of silver he got for betraying Jesus.

Kate Middleton For the Win! - Photos of the Duchess of Cambridge with Hilarious Captions

2011-05-01T00:25:00.000-04:00

We don't know what Kate Middleton, the new Duchess of Cambridge, is really thinking as she meets ordinary Britons or goes through other rituals of her royal routine, but fortunately the Tumblr blog Kate Middleton For the Win! lets us imagine. Whether she's looking glamorous or awkward in the photos, this website puts some hilarious thoughts into her head.

Most of these captioned photos were created before the wedding, but you can expect to see many more as Kate and her new hubby make appearances around Britain, its far-flung former empire, and the world. And as they try not to look absurdly out of place as they visit alternative schools, put on har hats to view construction sites, meet meet bizarrely dressed native from countries around the world, and more.

With so photos to be taken of Kate, there are sure to be many priceless expressions to be mined for comic gold.

The creator of also has a Twitter page (tweeting as the Duchess) at @PrincessKateFTW.

Rebecca Black Takes Over "Funny or Die" for "Black Friday" = "Friday or Die"!

2011-04-02T01:37:00.001-04:00

Rebecca Black Be Rolling from Rebecca Black

It's true... Internet superstar Rebecca Black and her song "Friday" took over "Funny or Die" on April 1st, and in honor of the viral video and its 13-year-old star the comedy video site became "Friday or Die," with a bunch of new videos featuring Black herself. (The April Fool's joke was apparently that Black made so much money from "Friday" that she bought out "Funny or Die.") You can find all the Rebecca Black "Friday or Die" videos and photos here.

You'll find videos including:
* the trailer for "Sunday Comes Afterwards," an end-of-the-world disaster movie starring everyone's favorite teen cereal eater
* Rebecca Black analyzing the deep societal meaning of the lyrics to "Friday"
* an infomercial for "Rebecca Black's Greatest Hits," featuring "Friday" remixes and tunes including "Cereal (Extended Remix)" and "I Chose the Backseat"

Besides the videos, you'll find the "top 10 Rebecca Black animated GIFs." See the girl in the red dress dance! See Rebecca's friend wearing a mustache and playing an accordion! And more!

There are also video mashups with The Cure's "Friday I'm in Love" and other Friday-related content.

Rebecca Black is working on her next single, called "LOL," and is said to be planning a full-length album. And, in case you've been on the International Space Station during the last month and haven't seen the original Rebecca Black "Friday" video, here it is:

Google Introduces Gmail Motion!

2011-04-01T01:29:00.001-04:00

Desk jockeys will have not excuse for not getting out of their chairs with Google's new Gmail Motion. This system gets you away from the keyboard by using body motions to execute Gmail tasks.

See the video at the Gmail Motion website for a demonstration. For example, to reply to a message, lift your hand and point your thumb behind you. For "reply all," point both hands behind you. What could be easier?

Note: do not try these Gmail Motion commands in certain situations, such as why walking across an airport tarmac to board a plane. Pilots may interpret your motions as directions to them and result in an aircraft accident.

Gmail Motion was announced by Google on April 1st, 2011.

And speaking of April 1st, those folks at Google have added another amusing note to our Internet experience, replacing the traditional YouTube logo with a retro-looking "YouTube 1911" logo. Sometimes it does seem like YouTube has been around since 1911, doesn't it? (Especially when watching some of those laughably dated early-1980s music videos—they really do look like they were made 100 years ago.

Enjoy Gmail Motion and YouTube 1911... I'll make a note here if I come across any other Google April 1st gags.

Charlie Sheen Launches Website Selling "Winning" T-Shirts; Live Shows Sell Out

2011-03-12T22:03:00.000-05:00

What's Charlie Sheen doing these days? Duh, winning! Or rather, merchandising. A few days ago Sheen announced his first live shows (next month in Chicago and Detroit), and today he said on Twitter that they had sold out.

In the meantime, Sheen proclaimed that he had launched his own website, CharlieSheen.com, which is now selling t-shirts with the Vatican assassin's trademark catch phrases. He broke the news on Twitter thusly:

"#fastball; After years of being at the mercy of a decaying troll, charliesheen.com is finally in the hands of its Warlock owner! Go Now! c"

The site also had tickets for sale for his live shows (when they were available) and also featured the latest tweets from Sheen's Twitter feed.

What kind of t-shirts are available? Well, you can buy Charlie Sheen t-shirts that say:
* "Winning" (with an illustration of Charlie's face)
* "Gnarles Gnarlington"
* "Surprise... that's what winners do!"
* "I've got one speed... go!" (available in ladies model, too)

Or, for the folks who like the me-and-Charlie-against-the-world sentiment, the Charlie Sheen store has a shirt that reads, "You're either in Sheen's Korner or you're with the trolls."

Although Charlie Sheen's recently announced live show, entitled the "Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option Show," has sold out these first two gigs, no doubt there will be more added considering the quick sellout of the first two.

We knew a Charlie Sheen store was coming, but where's the Tiger Blood energy drink? That's got to be in the works for sure...

Charlie Sheen vs. Lady Gaga Auto-Tune REMIX - Video

2011-03-03T10:41:00.003-05:00

Here's a brief little mash-up of the recent interview with everyone's favorite train wreck celebrity, Charlie Sheen, combined via the magic of Auto-Tune with some Lady Gaga. Yes, he is on a drug, and it's called Charlie Sheen! It's all passion, baby.

Does Charlie Sheen really "expose people to magic"? Watch and decide. And for more magic, you can watch the entire interview Sheen did with 20/20, or the Today Show, or Good Morning America, or any of the other TV shows he hit on his recent media tour.

We'll probably never see Charlie Sheen in Two and a Half Men again, but he seems determined to leave us with the lasting comic legacy of his interviews.

And as you've probably heard, there's the all-new Charlie Sheen Twitter account where you can read Chuck's real-time commentary as he posts it (including some wacky photos). Over a million Twitter followers can't be wrong, huh?

For more fun, see this gallery of Charlie Sheen quotes used as captions for The New Yorker cartoons.

BP Oil Spill, Re-Enacted in One Minute - By Kittens

2010-06-08T13:23:00.000-04:00

Confused by all the hours of news coverage about the BP oil spill? Fret no more. This video explains how the whole thing happened in just one minute of your time--with adorable kittens! Who have British accents, no less!

If there was ever a video that could make you feel good (however briefly) about a tragic environmental disaster, this is it!

(Video found through Guy Kawasaki, who got it from BuzzFeed.)

Six Seasons of "Lost," Re-Enacted in 1 Minute - By Cats [Spoilers]

2010-05-21T11:00:00.000-04:00

Afraid you'll never catch up with all the twists and turns of "Lost"? Never fear, the folks at TremendousNews.com have created a video in which cats sum up the entire six seasons of the show in just one minute. [Note: there are spoilers in the video that take you right up to date in the show, so be forewarned if you don't want to know some of the secrets of The Island and "Lost."]

Mongolian Death Worms - Latest Threat to Mankind!

2010-05-08T01:54:00.001-04:00

As if we weren't worried enough about terrorism, humongous ash clouds, killer volcanoes, and other threats of all kind, the Syfy Channel (formerly Sci-Fi) has given us a new bugaboo to fret over: Mongolian death worms. (Yahoo TV takes a look at "Mongolian Death Worm", explaining the major plot points It also notes that Syfy is the network that brought us the deadly biological freak shows "Mega Piranha" and "Dinoshark." Hmmm...)

It seems that treasure hunters looking for Gengis Khan's tomb get something they didn't bargain for when they encounter these creepy crawlies.

The name alone tells you these are bad mothers you do NOT want to mess with. If not, view the clip above. Mongolian death worms look just like big, ugly, overgrown hybrids of worms and insects, and it was disturbing indeed to watch one devour a poor guy in the clip above. The mouthparts of the Mongolian death worm look kind of like a big anus, with a long inner part (similar to the "Alien" retractable head) that pops out to grab the prey out... sort of like a telescoping killer hemorrhoid.

So maybe the way to kill Mongolian death worms is to drop a 500-pound bomb filled with Preparation H on its ugly anus-head?

We can find out for sure when "Mongolian Death Worm" premieres on Syfy at 9 p.m. Eastern time. Sean Patrick Flanery ("Boondock Saints") is the primary human tasked with kicking the Mongolian death worm's ass (sorry, couldn't resist).

Lady Gaga American Idol Video - Full Performance

2010-05-06T15:37:00.000-04:00

Lady Gaga performed "Alejandro" and "Bad Romance" on "American Idol," but the video shown on air was cut to fit time constraints. Lady Gaga was not happy about the cut (from six-and-a-half minutes to five minutes, according to Perez Hilton), so she posted a link to the video above of the full-length Lady Gaga "American Idol" video at Hilton's Web site.

Shahzad Faisal Facebook Page - Is the Terrorism Suspect a Fan of FarmVille Cows?

2010-05-04T02:46:00.000-04:00

Is Shahzad Faisal, the man arrested in connection with the Saturday night Times Square bombing, a fan of FarmVille Cows? Faisal was arrested late Monday night at JFK Airport, where he was trying to take a flight to Dubai, and a Web search of the name "Shahzad Faisal" includes a Facebook page of a man with that name.

So is this the Shahzad Faisal? According to one news report, the Shahzad Faisal with the Facebook page is in Shelton, Connecticut, and the man arrested Monday night is said to be a resident of the state.

If it's the same Shahzad Faisal, then the terrorism suspect has 115 friends; likes the mayor of Karachi, Pakistan and a restaurant in that city called One on One; and also enjoys playing FarmVille. In fact, one of his 14 "likes" is FarmVille Cows.

The Shahzad Faisal with a Facebook page has a profile picture showing a man (presumably him) standing across the street from a Macy's store. A street sign is near him, but it's hard to read what the names are or where the photo was taken. They could be New York City street signs, and if the Macy's in the photo is the flagship store in Herald Square, that's only a dozen blocks away from the place where the arrested suspect Shahzad Faisal allegedly parked the Nissan SUV he is thought to have bought a few weeks ago.

That SUV was filled with propane gas tanks, gasoline, fertilizer, firecrackers, and a couple of alarm clocks that definitely do not look high tech (one looks like something from a child's bedroom).

NOTE: Some news reports are referring to the arrested bombing suspect as Faisal Shahzad, while other recent reports continue to show his name as Shahzad Faisal.

The Iceland Ash Cloud Comes to Twitter ... Because Ash Clouds Have Feelings, Too!

2010-04-20T15:44:00.004-04:00

I guess it was inevitable... with all the flack the Iceland volcanic ash cloud has been getting lately, the shape-shifting cloud of primordial volcanic stuff has created its own Twitter account, @theashcloud. (Or, more likely, a human or other carbon-based living organism with digits and opposable thumbs has created it for he/she/it.)

The much-maligned ash cloud has taken the heat for snarling travel all over the world, including European musicians canceling U.S. gigs and foreign athletes unable to run in yesterday's Boston Marathon, for which they had trained for months.

We don't know if @theashcloud has retained a PR or ad agency to manage its new branding campaign, but going to social media, especially Twitter, is a smart choice. Looking to provide a public service, @theashcloud is tweeting travel updates, links to news articles saying that the ash dust isn't all that harmful, and of course posting beauty shots of itself.

And there are indeed some lovely photos of @theashcloud - it takes on a striking diversity of shapes and colors depending on the viewing angle. Think of @theashcloud as the Lady Gaga of meteorological phenomenon.

(I just hope @theashcloud isn't related to Smoky, the infamous (and deadly) Smoke Monster from the TV show "Lost." But just in case, I'm spreading ashes around my apartment, in case @theashcloud comes by and wants to know Who Stands in the Shadow of the Statue.)

So let's lay off the abuse of @theashcloud, even though it has messed up the travel plans of millions of people worldwide. In this go-go, nonstop world, we could all use a little downtime, a pause to slow down and unplug, to stop and smell the... airport bathroom. And besides, ash clouds are people, too!

For the record, here is @theashcloud's Twitter profile information:

Name Volcanic Ash Cloud
Location The Sky
Bio Originally from ICELAND, 8KM tall, love to TRAVEL; ég er ösku ský, gaman að hitta þig!

Leonard Nimoy (Mr. Spock) Comes to Twitter! Check out "TheRealNimoy"

2010-04-10T16:56:00.001-04:00

Star Trek fans, Leonard Nimoy has landed on Twitter. The man known worldwide as Mr. Spock recently joined the wildly popular microblogging service, and his account has the "Verified" badge on it, confirming that this really is Leonard Nimoy.

As you can imagine, the Leonard Nimoy Twitter account, though apparently new, has become quite popular. Though he just sent his first tweet (update) on April 2nd, Nimoy has more than 25,000 followers already.

On the Leonard Nimoy Twitter account you'll find musings on Star Trek, updates on "Mr. Spock's travels," news on his film and other projects, and more.

Mr. Spock has beamed himself down to Twitter, and you can follow him!

Zombie Jesus Takes Over the Internet!

2010-04-04T16:24:00.001-04:00

Easter is a day for cute, furry bunnies, Easter bonnets, church services, and home-cooked family meals. But on The Interwebz, it is something else: Zombie Jesus Day!

The phrase "zombie Jesus" was perhaps created by atheists or nonbelievers to make light of the on-the-third-day-he-rose aspect of the Easter story, but like many other things, it has morphed into an all-purpose meme when the Internet got its mitts (wires? sockets?) on it.

Zombie Jesus has broken into Google Trends, along with such Easter favorites as "how do I tie a tie," "brown sugar glaze for ham," "deviled egg recipes," and the ever-popular "Is Walmart open on Easter?" (Of course, if Google didn't edit the trending topics, #1 would probably "How early is it permissible to get drunk on Easter?"

(Zombie Jesus has yet to break onto Twitter's trending topics, which would put it on a footing with Justin Beiber and #threewordsaftersex.)

It's not known if appropriate Zombie Jesus Day traditions have emerged: watching zombie movies; pulling an all-nighter so as to be wandering around in a zombie-like, sleepless stupor, etc.

But it's safe to say that as long as there's an Internet, there'll be a Zombie Jesus and Zombie Jesus Day.

April Fool's Office Pranks - Geeky Gags & Pranks for the Digital Age

2010-04-01T02:05:00.000-04:00

Everything in today's modern world has gone digital, and that includes April Fool's pranks as well. The Web site Technically Personal (techpp.com) has put together a Web page that has links to a bunch of Web page that has links to a bunch of sites with fun pranks, gags, and practical jokes to play on friends, co-workers, fellow students, etc.

You'll find ways to punk, embarrass, and terrify folks with pranks and jokes including:
* free April Fool's Day prank software, for PCs and for Macs
* fun (but harmless) geeky pranks you can play on your co-workers (or even your boss, without fear of getting fired)
* harmless prank software that acts like a damaging computer virus
* an automatic system shutdown prank
* a list of more than 100 April Fool's Day pranks, tools, and gadgets with the geek in mind

Looking at the listing of these sites, it seems some are nearly a decade old, so not all of the pranks listed on the Web site may still be active (the page was posted for April Fool's 2009). And the older ones, even if they work, may just not be that funny for today's computer user.

But with the many dozens of April Fool's pranks the page offers, you'll be sure to find a bunch to have fun on April 1st. Happy April Fool's Day!

2010 Kids' Choice Awards Winners!

2010-03-27T23:52:00.000-04:00

Congrats to the 2010 Kids' Choice Awards winners! The 2010 KCAs were held Saturday, March 27th, and many TV and movie stars were on hand, wearing their fancy clothes. Many of them ended up wearing something else, too: a lovely layer of green slime! This year's Kids' Choice Awards show was hosted by Kevin James.

Here are the 2010 Kids' Choice Awards winners:
Cutest Couple: Jacob & Bella
Favorite TV Show: iCarly
Favorite TV Actor: Dylan Sprouse
Favorite TV Actress: Selena Gomez
Favorite Music Group: Black-Eyed Peas
Favorite Female Singer: Taylor Swift
Favorite Male Singer: Jay-Z
Favorite Song: You Belong with Me, Taylor Swift
Favorite Movie: Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
Favorite Movie Actor: Taylor Lautner
Favorite Movie Actress: Miley Cyrus
Favorite Cartoon: SpongeBob Squarepants
Favorite Female Athlete: Misty May Treanor
Favorite Male Athlete: Ryan Sheckler
Favorite Video Game: Mario Kart
Favorite Book: Diary of a Wimpy Kid series
Favorite Animated Movie: Up
Favorite Voice from an Animated Movie: Jim Carrey

Go here to see the complete list of 2010 Kids' Choice Awards winners and nominees, with links to the individuals and their movies, TV shows, etc.

Congrats to all winners, and to all who got slimed, hoped that gooey green stuff washes out easily!

Get 2010 NCAA Men's Basketball Final Four Tickets from the Official NCAA Ticket Package Provider

2010-03-27T23:47:00.000-04:00

If you're looking for tickets to the 2010 NCAA men's basketball Final Four, go to the link here to get them from PrimeTicket, the official NCAA ticket package provider: http://www.primesport.com/sports/ncaahoops-packages.asp. Although the Final Four is sold out, you can get Final Four ticket and hotel packages from PrimeTicket. There are Final Four ticket options with several different hotels to fit a variety of budgets, and the ticket packages are available for individuals and for groups.

There are a lot of counterfeit Final Four tickets out there being sold by unscrupulous brokers, so why not go to the official NCAA-approved agent? That way you'll have the peace of mind of knowing that you'll be getting real Final Four tickets.

2010 FINAL FOUR information:
Dates: April 3rd and 5th
Location: Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis, Indiana

New Alleged Jesse James Mistresses - Is He the New Tiger Woods?

2010-03-26T14:45:00.002-04:00

A fourth woman has said she was sexually involved with TV chopper dude Jesse James while he has been married to Sandra Bullock. What's up with this... is Jesse James the new Tiger Woods? People Magazine has the story at the link below, including the news that this latest woman, who has so far not identified herself, has hired celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred to represent/defend/pimp her.

Interestingly, Gloria Allred is the same lawyer who is representing one of the many Tiger Woods mistresses. With every one of these Woods mistresses and alleged Jesse James mistresses no doubt angling for fame, fortune, TV appearances, reality TV shows, and book deals, the airwaves are going to be pretty full of "I slept with ... [insert name of caddish male celeb here]" tell-all appearances. Meanwhile, James is working at his company, West Coast Choppers, trying to keep working as the controversy swirls all around him.

Fortunately, the U.S. has an abundance of high-priced celebrity lawyers, flacks, plastic surgeons, hangers-on, and enablers to satisfy them all!

Oscars Best Actress Winner 2010 - Sandra Bullock! And Great Acceptance Speech (VIDEO)

2010-03-08T11:55:00.000-05:00

Sandra Bullock was the favorite to win Best Actress at the 2010 Academy Awards, but considering that upsets often occur it wasn't until Sean Penn announced her name that Bullock knew for sure that she had won. (Her acceptance speech is below; I hope it will still be there by the time you read this.)

Sandra Bullock has had a long career in film, with many hits (and a number of misses) on her resume. Though she is a talented actress with great comic timing, the fact that she is known mostly for romantic comedies has limited her chances to be nominated for an Oscar. This year that all changed with her dramatic turn in "The Blind Side" as a wealthy white woman who adopts a young black man and helps him become a top college football prospect. ("The Blind Side" is based on the true story of Michael Oher, who now is an offensive lineman for the NFL's Baltimore Ravens.)

This was the first Oscar nomination for Bullock, who has starred in popular comedies including Speed, While You Were Sleeping, Two Weeks Notice, The Proposal, Miss Congeniality, and Hope Floats. (One of Bullock's misses, All About Steve, won a Razzie Award for Bullock as Worst Actress, giving her the dubious distinction of becoming the only actress to win a Razzie and an Oscar in the same year.) Bullock has also been in some dramatic roles, most notably as part of the star-studded ensemble ine the Oscar-winning Crash.

Sandra Bullock's Oscar acceptance speech last night was classic Bullock: by turns funny, sincere, and gracious. She has a reputation as being a warm, genuine person, and in her speech she not only recognized her fellow nominees but paid tribute to the parents who care for children but don't get the credit or recognition they deserve. And she teared up when mentioning her own mother, Helga, who died in 2000.

With her Oscar win last night and other honors for The Blind Side, combined with the fact that her 2009 comedy The Proposal was her highest-grossing film to date, last year was a very good one for Sandra Bullock. Which makes her Razzie for All About Steve easier to take.

Get Free DaySpring E-Cards

2010-02-24T14:15:00.001-05:00

If you like to send e-cards, check out DaySpring. DaySpring is a leading maker of Christian greeting cards, gifts, books, and other items, but they also have some items that don't have an overtly Christian message - so they're good for sending a nice card to someone who may have have strong religious or Christian beliefs.

DaySpring offers a range of free Christian e-cards you can send, for every occasion from Valentine's Day to birthday, communion, sympathy, holiday, and just about any other you can think of.

DaySpring lets you express your sentiments in a distinctly Christian style.

Dupont Circle Snowball Fight, Feb. 6 2010 - VIDEO

2010-02-06T17:10:00.000-05:00

Another huge snowstorm has hit Washington, D.C., and that means another big group snowball fight. This one took place in Dupont Circle, and apparently involved several hundred people. We hope that no snowball hit an off-duty cop's vehicle, which happened during a D.C. snowstorm in December and led to the cop leaving his car and waving his gun in the air.

Today's snowstorm is even bigger, leading to power outages and an all-around mess. This one truly earns the names "snowpocalypse" and "snowmageddon."

Apple Introduces "iPad," Internet Jokes Ensue. iTampon, Anyone?

2010-01-28T01:14:00.002-05:00

MadTV was all over the iPad before Steve Jobs had a clue. (OK, he apparently still doesn't.) Video from 2007.

Whatever one thinks of the technology or functions of the iPad that Steve Jobs introduced today, two things are clear: 1. Jobs doesn't have any women in his inner circle, and 2. he doesn't watch MadTV. The blogosphere and Twitterverse were buzzing Wednesday with jokes about the name iPad and how it sounds like some kind of, um, feminine protection.

For much of Wednesday night, "iTampon" and "iPeriod" were trending topics, ahead of the product's name. Jokes floated around beginning immediately after Jobs spoke the word iPad: wondering if the high-capacity version called a Maxi-iPad; remarking that the gizmo is "bloody brilliant," etc. You get the idea.

And yes, MadTV saw the comic gold in iPad as a feminine hygiene product back in 2007, as the clip above shows. Seriously, no one in the top levels of Apple watches MadTV? No woman was privvy to the product information and said, "Umm, bad name, guys"?

Having the most unbridled fun at the iPad's expense was Rachel Sklar, editor-at-large for the Mediaite Web site. Sklar's Twitter stream was full of iPad cracks Wednesday, and I couldn't stop reading them.

Fortunately, Sklar wrote a column collecting many of the funny iPad jokes, as well as the MadTV video and a photo of Steve Jobs speaking in front of a blowup of the iPad (with wings for added protection PhotoShopped in). And she announced the article with the following tweet:

"My Bloody iValentine: Welcome, Apple iPad! More iPad jokes! Absorbent + fresh!"

A couple of Sklar's previous tweets on the iPad:
"Convenient! When your iPad spends a lot of time with other iPads, they sync up."
and:
"If you take your iPad with you in the ocean, you're more likely to get eaten by a shark."

Of course, if the iPad functions well and becomes a big seller, all this joking will just be a one-day story in the Twitterverse. If not, it'll be an even bigger blunder than Apple's Newton.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie to Split, Sources Say

2010-01-23T23:28:00.000-05:00

Say it ain't so! Hollywood power couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are splitting, a number of sources are reporting. The Sunday Times of London is one newspaper reporting the Brad and Angelina split on Sunday, and you can read the story from News of the World below.

The stories say that the couple had been meeting with a divorce lawyer recently and that papers have been signed. The couple have six children, three of which are adopted. The couple, who have been together since 2004 but never married, will have joint custody of the children, but they will live with Jolie, the stories say.

"I Already Work Around the Clock!" - Harrison Ford Line Lights Up the Internet

2010-01-11T19:32:00.000-05:00

There's nothing like a new Internet meme to create a warm and fuzzy feeling of community, and the latest catch phrase buzzing around is a line from the new Harrison Ford movie, "Extraordinary Measures": "I already work around the clock!" (the blessed words are spoken about a minute and a half into the trailer above).

As an article on NowPublic.com notes, "I already work around the clock!" has gone viral, with an ESPN sportscaster claiming to have used it 25 times in a day. The article also refers to a Web site, ialreadyworkaroundtheclock.ytmnd.com, where you can hear the line repeated on infinite loop, with a photo of the angry Harrison Ford for inspiration.

"Extraordinary Measures" is about a father, Brendan Fraser, who seeks the help of a scientist (Ford) to find a cure for the disease that has stricken his children. Ford utters the now-famous line when Fraser tells him they must work around the clock to find the answer to the disease.

Will "I already work around the clock!" claim a place in the pantheon of other famous movie lines that have become Internet and pop-culture memes? Will it have the staying power of "Put the coffee down!," Alec Baldwin's classic from "Glengarry Glen Ross"? We'll find out when "Extraordinary Measures" opens January 22nd.

The A-Team Movie Trailer Hits the Web

2010-01-08T20:29:00.000-05:00

"The A-Team" is the latest bygone TV show to be turned into a movie, and the trailer for the big-screen version in now online (only in a low-resolution version, from what I've seen). The movie doesn't open until June 11th, but the A-Team trailer will be screened in theaters this weekend.

The movie is directed by Joe Carnahan stars Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Sharlto Copley, Jessica Biel, Quinton Jackson and Yul Vazquez.

Justin Bieber, from YouTube Phenom to Genuine Star - NY Times

2010-01-02T12:31:00.004-05:00

Justin Bieber at a signing at the Nintendo Store, New York City, Sept. 1, 2009. Photo: Kevin Aranibar

Teen heartthrob Justin Bieber is the subject of a good-sized article in the Sunday, Jan. 3rd edition of the New York Times. The article notes:
"But as he takes his place in the venerable line of Leifs and Shauns who have ruled the Tiger Beat princedom, he is also a creature of this era: a talented boy discovered first by fans on YouTube, then cannily marketed to them through a fresh influx of studiedly raw videos on the Web site."

The Justin Bieber article notes how the R&B star Usher has taken Bieber, a native of Ontario, Canada, under his wing and is part of a team that includes a "swagger coach," a former assistant to Usher who advises Bieber in fashion, moves, and attitude.

It's a Merry, Scary Regretsy Christmas!

2009-12-26T02:39:00.004-05:00

As if it wasn't enough that the good folks at Regretsy bring us the finest, most bizarre hand-crafted items, they've now birthed a Christmas video in their inimitable style.

It features a number of iconic and/or unusual images with a photo of a cat popping up, Zelig-style, in the midst of them (from Apocalypse Now to the Hindenberg disaster to a zombie movie). All with singing cats musical accompaniment. Zombies? Cats? You had me at "Meow"!

Washington D.C. Snowball Fight Gun Video: What the...?

2009-12-21T13:44:00.003-05:00

Here is the most complete video I've seen of the now-infamous incident in which a plainclothes policeman in Washington, D.C. pulls out a gun after his Hummer is hit by snowballs during a street snowball fight. The D.C. snowball fight gun video is five minutes long and although it stops at various times, it shows what seems to be a complete view of the scene.

The cop doesn't immediately identify himself as a police officer, and uniformed police later show up in response to calls about a man with a gun. The plainclothes cop seems to calm down once his uniformed brethren arrive. The crowd, which heard about the planned snowball fight via Facebook and Twitter, start shouting, "You don't bring a gun to a snowball fight!"

The Washington City Paper has an article on the snowball fight gun incident based on eyewitness reports.

Tiger Woods Mistress Count Update: 6? 10? More?

2009-12-07T14:59:00.003-05:00

The Tiger Woods philandering controversy isn't settling down. To the contrary, it keeps growing. After the first few days, it seemed there were three women who claimed to have hooked up with the golfer, or were rumored to have. Here's an update, though: As of today the alleged Tiger Woods Mistress Count seems to be up to 9, or 10, depending on your sources.

For the tabloid press and TV, this Tiger Woods mistress story is the gift that keeps on giving... a perfect economic shot-in-the-arm for an other wise dreary holiday season!

Among the names mentioned so far: Mindy Lawton and Jaimee Grubbs (the only two who have publicly admitted having affairs with Woods, according to the New York Daily News), Rachel Uchitel, Holly Sampson, Jaimie Jungers, Kalika Moquin, and Cori Rist.

Jaimee Grubbs was a star on the ironically named VH1 TV show "Tool Academy."

The Daily News also offers a collage of photos of women linked to Tiger Woods, in case you're having trouble keeping them all straight.

Amanda Knox MySpace Page - "Foxy Knoxy"

2009-12-06T16:42:00.004-05:00

Above: Amanda Knox's alleged MySpace page. Tom is her only friend! (bottom right).

It turns out that there's a MySpace page for Amanda Knox, the American student convicted the other day of murdering her roommate. The name in the URL is "foxyknoxy03," and the MySpace page and address were shown on TV on a special program about the Knox case on CBS Saturday night.

The page shows last login as 12/6/08, and the signup date as 2/1/08. In other words, the MySpace page was created while Amanda Knox was in custody in Italy. So was it created by her, or a friend or family member?

The Amanda Knox MySpace page has info including:

"mmm...life..."
Female
22 years old
seattle, Washington
United States
Last Login:12/6/2008
- - - - - -

Clicking on the blog list on the MySpace page gives this information:

Friday, February 01, 2008

This page is reserved

This page is Amanda's Original Myspace Page.
It is reserved for her for when she is released.

Is Tom Anderson really Knox's only friend? Maybe she or her reps haven't had the chance to go through all the numerous friend requests... and comments from various nutcases, no doubt.

BBC's Funny Talking Animals - "Walk on the Wild Side" Preview

2009-11-29T00:48:00.006-05:00

I don't usually spend a lot of time at YouTube, but these talking-animal videos from the BBC have kept be laughing much of the Thanksgiving weekend. The marmot who keeps shouting "Alan! Alan!" cracks me up, as well as the critters standing on their hind legs who seem to be relieving themselves and the giraffes who keep smacking each other's necks.

Unfortunately, I can't access BBC shows in the U.S. so I have no idea what this TV show they're promoting is all about - it can't be a half hour of odd animals with human voiceovers, I'm guessing. (Or maybe it is: a note on one of the videos says that the series "combines the comedy talents of Jason Manford and friends together with some jaw-dropping natural history footage.")

There are many other "Walk on the Wild Side" videos on YouTube, too, including a frog conducting Beethoven, an exotic bird dancing to Michael Jackson, and a lion who gets his hair cut to look like Elton John.

"Why Won't My Parakeet Eat My Diarrhea?" - Google's Bizarre Search Suggestions

2009-11-11T15:05:00.003-05:00

It's been the top search term on Google Trends today. But are there really that many people asking, "Why Won't My Parakeet Eat My Diarrhea?"

The answer seems to be in the search giant's Google Suggest feature, in which you type letters or words into the Google search box in your browser, and Google gives you suggestions based on popular terms that other users have entered. If you start to type in "Why won't...," the parakeet query is one that comes up near the top.

As for the origins of the question "Why Won't My Parakeet Eat My Diarrhea?," it's possible it is a term from a TV show or is some other pop-culture reference. Similarly, if you type in "Why is...," one of the first results that Google offers is "Why is there a dead Pakistani on my couch?" If I recall correctly, this is a line from an episode of "Lost," in which Hurley's mom sees the drugged Sayyid passed out on the sofa in the Reyes home.

What's Up With Sammy Sosa's Face?! The World Wants to Know!

2009-11-09T18:48:00.005-05:00

Left: Sammy Sosa looks like a zombie. His wife's looking good, though.

Is ex-big league slugger Sammy Sosa pulling a Michael Jackson? There's been lots of speculation over his lightened skin at a recent appearance at the Latin Grammy Awards. So what's the story?

Between the light skin and that creepy look in his eyes (as well as the shiny suit), Sammy Sosa looks like a zombie.

But no, he's not trying to look like the King of Pop, and he hasn't joined the ranks of the living dead. "He is going through a rejuvenation process for his skin. Women have it all of the time," says a former Chicago Cubs employee who keeps in touch with Sosa, quoted in the L.A. Times. Although she says the lighting lends to the strange appearance of Sosa's face, she admits that "It did come out looking weird" in the photos. Yeah, you can say that again.

Whatever kind of skin bleaching or other procedure it was, the results leave a lot to be desired.

Bombshell: David Letterman Admits Affairs with Staffers; Says Victim of Extortion Attempt

2009-10-01T22:48:00.003-04:00

Something tells me David Letterman is going to get a lot more viewers tonight. The longtime TV host admitted on Thursday, Oct. 1st that he had had sexual affairs with different female members of his staff, and claimed that someone tried to extort money from him to keep the matter quiet.

He made the admission during the taping of his show, and also issued a release. A person has been arrested for trying to extort $2 million from Letterman in exchange for not making Letterman's sexual relationships public.

Letterman has been with longtime girlfriend Regina Lasko since 1986, and they have a six year old son. They married last March.

People of Walmart - Photos of the Unusual Folks at America's Biggest Store

2009-08-27T23:48:00.001-04:00

Who goes to Walmart? The Web site People of Walmart offers a photographic record of the odd, the unusual, the weird folks who come to the biggest chain store in the U.S. There are people with mullets, people who seem to be in contact with beings from another planet, lots of people who need to lose a LOT of weight, and, for some reason, folks who are wearing shirts that don't have much fabric to them. (Or, no shirts at all.)

The People of Walmart site has been offline for a bit Thursday night, but they assure us that now back and will have more photos up soon. And you can breathlessly keep up with their latest updates because, you guessed it, they're on that newfangled Twitter than that all the kids are using. You can find them at twitter.com/PeopleofWalmart.

Check out the photos of People of Walmart. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll probably throw up a little.

Longtime U.S. Senator Ted Kennedy Has Died

2009-08-26T01:45:00.001-04:00

Edward "Ted" Kennedy, a longtime U.S. Senator from Massachusetts, died Tuesday night at the age of 77, his family announced. He had been suffering from brain cancer for the last year.

Ted Kennedy is the younger brother of two famous American politicians, both of whom were killed by assassins: President John F. Kennedy and U.S. Senator from California Robert Kennedy (who was running for the Democratic nomination for president at the time he was killed).

Ted Kennedy died shortly before midnight at his home in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts. Ironically one of his sisters, Eunice Shriver, died in recent weeks. Ted Kennedy was too ill to attend her funeral. One of her daughters, Maria Shriver, is a former TV personality who is married to California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Kennedy was first elected to the U.S. Senate in 1962, when he was 30 years old. He made a couple of unsuccessful runs for president of the country, but never came close to getting his party's nomination.

Jon & Kate Plus 8 - They're Baaaack - Tonight!

2009-08-03T18:12:00.003-04:00

The dysfunctional family known as Jon & Kate Plus 8 returns to TV tonight, and viewers will no doubt be tuning in in droves to find out what's happened since the show went of the air more than a month ago, with the couple announcing that they are separating.

Jon has been spotted with various young women, including the daughter of the surgeon who performed his wife's tummy tuck. Is this guy nuts?

And the NY Daily News reports that Kate has been seen packing camping equipment into her SUV. Is she taking the kids camping, or planning to roast Jon over an open fire?

The article also includes the preview of tonight's episode (above), which shows Kate setting up a tent in her back yard, as preparation for the camping trip, apparently.

Breaking: Amazon.com Buys Zappos

2009-07-22T16:43:00.003-04:00

Amazon.com has made a huge purchase today, buying the online shoe and clothing retailer Zappos.com for $807 million.

Zappos.com CEO Tony Hsieh sent an email informing his employees today, suggesting "Please set aside 20 minutes to carefully read this entire email."

According to an article on the technology and social media blog Mashable.com, the Amazon-Zappos deal will be for "$807 million in Amazon stock, plus about $40 million in cash and restricted stock."

Legendary News Anchor Walter Cronkite Dies at Age 92

2009-07-17T21:53:00.002-04:00

Longtime CBS news anchor Walter Cronkite, one the the legends of TV news, has died at the age of 92.

He started in journalism in the 1930s and later became a familiar TV face known to virtually all Americans, at a time before cable and satellite, when people only had three broadcast networks on TV.

Cronkite covered many of the major stories of the 20th century, from the Nuremberg Trials after World War II to the assassinations of John and Robert Kennedy to Apollo moon landings and the Vietnam War.

Rest in peace, Walter... we'll miss you.

Win with the Disney Channel Scavenger Hunt Sweepstakes!

2009-07-12T22:54:00.002-04:00

Enter the Disney Channel Scavenger Hunt Sweepstakes at www.disneychannel.com/scavengersweepstakes to win great prizes (including some personal items from Hannah Montana)!

Go to the Web site to look for certain items to watch for in the Disney Channel Scavenger Hunt, then start watching for sneak peeks on the Disney Channel all this week. Enter your choices on the Web site, and find all the items on the list. At that point you'll be able to enter the Disney Channel Scavenger Hunt Sweepstakes!

Zack and Cody will be on the S.S. Tipton on the Teen Cruise, and Hannah Montana will be on board too on her way to her Hawaiian concert. And you can get in on the cruise too through the sweepstakes!

Enter the Disney Channel Scavenger Hunt Sweepstakes, and be sure to watch "Wizards on Deck" with Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel Friday, July 17th.

Canadian Pro Football Player Offers Odd "Tribute" to Michael Jackson

2009-07-06T01:33:00.001-04:00

People are paying tribute to the late Michael Jackson in their own ways, but here's one of the more unusual ones. Arland Bruce, a player in the Canadian Football League, scores a touchdown, then takes off his jersey to reveal a black undershirt, lays down on his back on the field, and folds his arms across his chest like a body in a coffin.

As you can imagine, his coach and his quarterback were not amused by the stunt.

Bruce was penalized for "objectionable behavior." Last season, Bruce was penalized for another unique post-touchdown expression: removing his helmet and briefly donning a Spiderman mask.

Infomercial Pitchman Billy Mays Dead at Age 50

2009-06-28T12:21:00.002-04:00

Billy Mays, the bearded commercial pitchman known for promoting OxiClean and other products, died this morning at age 50 in his home in Tampa, Florida Sunday morning. No cause of death has been identified. His wife found him unresponsive this morning.

The death of Billy Mays was mentioned this morning in several posts by his son, Billy Mays III, on his Twitter account, http://twitter.com/YoungBillyMays.

A post from Mays III made at about 11 a.m. EST reads, "My dad didn't wake up this morning. I'm sure you'll all hear about it. It hasn't yet hit me but it's about to." About a half hour later he posted, "On my way to the house. He's gone. I'm gonna be strong for him. Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers everyone."

Billy Mays was known for his beard and his loud voice, and he found success doing commercial pitches for OxiClean and Orange Glo, as well as other household and cleaning products.

Recently Mays also done a series of commercials for ESPN in which he poked fun at his own image.

Billy Mays was a passenger on board a U.S. Airways jet that made a safe landing at Tampa International Airport yesterday after suffering a blowout of one of its front tires. It's not known if his death is in any way related to that incident.

S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford Admits Affair in Argentina; Not On Appalachian Trail or Watching "Jon & Kate"

2009-06-24T21:41:00.003-04:00

South Carolina governor Mark Sanford held a press conference today to explain his recent mysterious performance, and dropped a bombshell: He was not hiking on the Appalachian Trail, as he told his staff, but was having a tryst with a woman in Argentina!

Nobody would have guess this. When it turned out he had disappeared for this last weekend, he told his staff that he was out hiking on the famous 2,000-mile-plus trail... which would have been interesting, since this weekend included Naked Hiking Day or some other such occasion.

My own theory was that Mark Sanford was holed up in a cabin in the woods somewhere by himself, watching DVDs of past seasons of "Jon and Kate Plus 8" in preparation for Monday night's big season-ending finale. Which would have made for an interesting coincidence, since the Jon and Kate finale was hyped up for its inclusion of a Big Announcement... that the couple was splitting up. That would have been a case of life imitating art imitating life... or something like that.

Mark Sanford and his wife, Jenny, have not split up (although Jenny said in her own statement that she'd kicked him out of the house two weeks ago). But Mark and Jenny Sanford do have four children, which is exactly half as many as Jon and Kate.

Hmmm... I have a feeling we haven't seen the end of the Mark and Jenny reality show drama. In fact, today's Big Announcement by governor Mark may be just the beginning. Good news for Jon and Kate fans going through withdrawal! In fact, maybe the Sanfords can try to patch up their marriage by buying some of those Kids Crooked Houses, just like Jon and Kate!

Maureen Dowd Admits Stealing Copy, Taking Steroids, Crashing Twitter, Farting in Staff Meetings

2009-05-17T21:44:00.006-04:00

New York Times op-ed columnist Maureen Dowd on Sunday admitted to plagiarism in a recent column, then surprised reporters by going on to confess to a litany of other offenses. Reached for comment Sunday night, Dowd admitted shooting steroids with Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez, farting in Times editorial meetings when staffers presented ideas she didn't like.

"Yeah, I stuck A-Rod in the butt with a syringe," Dowd casually admitted, saying that Rogriguez injected her in the buttocks, too. "Being a famous media elite columnist is a very competitive field," she explained. "All the hot columnists are taking 'roids or human growth hormone to keep their edge."

What's more, the snarky writer, who famously expressed disdain for the Twitter microblogging service in an interview with its founders, admitted that she had personally caused Twitter to crash several times in recent weeks. "I am responsible for the frequent and untimely appearance of the fail whale," Dowd said, referring to the whale cartoon that appears during Twitter malfunctions.

There are unsubstantiated rumors that it was Dowd, not Twitter management, who caused major change in Twitter functionality that prevented users from seeing all @ replies.

The plagiarism charge resulted from a May 17th column in which she criticized former vice president Dick Cheney. Of course, she didn't use the word "plagiarize" when admitting the mistake; she said she "inadvertently" used without attribution a lengthy sentence from Talking Points Memo Joshua Marshall. The matter came to light Sunday afternoon, ironically enough, when the subject became a hot topic of conversation on Twitter.

In her much-lampooned column about Twitter, Dowd stated, "I would rather be tied up to stakes in the Kalahari Desert, have honey poured over me and red ants eat out my eyes than open a Twitter account."

Dowd has also been lampooned in a Twitter account called Fake Maureen Dowd (www.twitter.com/MaureenDowdTwit), which tweets various quotes from Dowd's columns as well as comments about Dowd made by other Twitter users.

Fox Renews Eliza Dushku's "Dollhouse"

2009-05-15T21:06:00.004-04:00

Fox TV's popular but ratings-challenged drama "Dollhouse" has been picked up for a second season, James Hibberd of THR.com is reporting. This is a victory for the many loyal fans of the show, who have been contacting Fox and urging it to renew the Eliza Dushku vehicle.

Hibberd terms the Dollhouse renewal decision "stunning" because the show's ratings are low. But he notes that DVR and online streaming numbers for the Eliza Dushku vehicle are good. And people involved in Dollhouse have been encouraging fans to contact Fox, such as Dushku herself on her Twitter account, twitter.com/ElizaPatricia.

Hibberd says the official announcement of the Dollhouse renewal will be made at the network's upfront presentation on Monday.

SNL VIDEO - "Motherlover" - Justin Timberlake & Andy Samberg

2009-05-10T12:45:00.005-04:00

Fresh out of jail and reunited, Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg are back with their "D*ck in a Box" characters with a very, um, special Mother's Day video called "Motherlover," from last night's Saturday Night Live...

Happy Mother's Day, all!

Derek Fisher Twitter Updates Keep Fans in the Game

2009-05-09T01:39:00.002-04:00

Derek Fisher of the L.A. Lakers was suspended for Friday night's game against Houston, but just because he wasn't at the game that didn't mean he couldn't keep fans updated on what the Lakers were doing. Fisher has been keeping Lakers fans on top of the action through his tweets on his Twitter account, www.twitter.com/derekfisher. The Derek Fisher Twitter page has attracted more than 26,000 followers to date.

Fisher was suspended for one game and will return to the Lakers to play in game 4, which takes place in Houston. And he won't be using Twitter while he's on the bench, you can be sure (a player tweeting from the bench because a controversy with a player on another NBA team earlier this season).

5/3/09 Hoboken Arts and Music Festival Still On, Despite Rain

2009-05-03T12:34:00.003-04:00

According to the City of Hoboken hotline (called shortly before noon), today's Hoboken Arts and Music Festival is going on, rain or shine (and yes, it is raining right now.) The festival runs from 11 am to 6 pm, and the headlining musical act is The Box Tops, featuring original member Alex Chilton! See the Hoboken Arts and Music Festival schedule of events here.

The postman will deliver despite cold or wind or rain, and Celine Dion's heart will go on, and now it seems the Festival will go on too, despite the rain. The music should be good, though I feel bad for the arts and crafts exhibitors.

Say It Ain't So, Bruthah! Henry Ian Cusick from "Lost" Sued for Sexual Harassment

2009-04-25T13:06:00.003-04:00

Maybe all that time-travel has finally taken its toll on Desmond. Henry Ian Cusick, the actor who plays Desmond Hume on the hit TV show "Lost," has been sued for sexual harassment by a former ABC employee.

Chelsea Stone, a former employee of ABC Entertainment, has sued Cusick for harassment and sexual battery, accusing the Scottish actor of a variety of offenses, from groping her to making offensive noises and gestures. (View the lawsuit against Henry Ian Cusick.) The charges date back to on-set incidents in October 2007.

It is claimed that Cusick, who first became known on "Lost" for pushing a button every 108 minutes to save the world, "'placed his hand on her buttocks' and then caressed her back 'while making moaning sounds.' He then put his face in her cleavage and wagged his head back and forth."

Is this true, or just a disgruntled employee making false accusations? We'll have to wait and see... if we can keep Desmond from further time traveling!

Oprah Winfrey to Land on Planet Twitter Friday

2009-04-16T22:27:00.003-04:00

The talk of Twitter recently had been the ongoing battle between Ashton Kutcher (aplusk) and CNN Breaking News (cnnbrk) to see who could get to one million followers the first. But now the big news is that one of the world's biggest celebs, Oprah Winfrey, has joined the incredibly fast-growing microblogging service and is going to post her first "tweet" Friday, April 17th. You can find her at www.twitter.com/oprah.

As of Thursday night, Oprah's Twitter account has more than 50,000 followers, even though she hasn't posted a single comment yet. With the "O" joining the Twitterverse, will her familiar colleagues and feature be joining her in dispensing advice 140 characters at a time? If so, imagine the news Oprah's followers will be getting: Book reviews! Beauty and dating advice! Chatty insights about bowel movements from Dr. Oz!

It all could happen tomorrow, when The Big Oh lands on Planet Twitter...

Easter 2009 Searches: Jesus, Food, Shopping, and a Certain Dog

2009-04-12T12:38:00.005-04:00

As someone who enjoys seeing what's on the mind of people all over the U.S. (and the world), I often check out Google Trends to see what the most searched-for terms are. This exercise is particularly interesting around holidays or other major events, and Easter 2009 is no exception.

Today's top searches are a mishmash of things related to different aspects what people do on Easter, and what the holiday means to them. The religious tradition of Easter is of course prominent, with search terms like "Easter Bible verses," He is Risen," "Easter scripture," and "meaning of Easter" in the top 50 search terms, along with non-religious items related to the day: "Easter parade New York," "Happy Easter comments" (for MySpace and other Web sites), etc. And one odd item: "dirty Easter jokes" ... huh?!

Eating is a big part of Easter, so there are plenty of anxious cooks online. "How long to cook a ham," "ham glaze," "deviled eggs," and "leg of lamb cooking time" all show up, along with queries looking for the locations or hours of supermarkets such as Publix, Winn-Dixie, etc. And some people are clearly planning to have a good time on Easter; one term in the top 30 searches is "mimosa recipe."

Speaking of shopping, that seems to be almost as popular an Easter tradition as eating and going to church. In the top 25 trends there are more shopping-related than religion-related searches, with people looking for "Is Target open on Easter," "Target locations," "Walmart Easter hours," "Nordstroms," and even "Home Depot Easter hours" (maybe people are deciding to fix or replace broken fixtures before company comes over?)

One non-holiday topic is occupying people's minds, and that is the long-awaited First Puppy. Appearing in the top 50 trends are such terms as "Portuguese water dog," "Obama dog," "Obama puppy," and "first dog."

And some folks are clearly not used to dressing up: the search term that has remained in the number-one position on Google Trends is ... "How to tie a tie."

Happy Easter, everyone.

Is Tweeting Getting Out of Hand? (And What is Tweeting, Anyway?)

2009-03-18T19:54:00.001-04:00

If people talking on cell phones incessantly has caused a stir in society, tweeting is taking it to a whole new level. "Tweeting," in case you're not yet addicted to it, is the sending of short messages on the communications software Twitter. (The messages are called "tweets.")

Tweeting can be addictive, whether it's talking to friends or following celebrities who tweet, and that addictiveness is where some people feel it's gone too far. Prosecutors and police have cited numerous cases about jurors using Twitter (and other devices, like Web-enabled cell phones) to research information on a case on their own, in violation of judges' instructions not to discuss or investigate the case.

And just last week we heard of the first known case of an NBA basketball player tweeting during a game (though during halftime). Charlie Villanueva of the Milwaukee Bucks sent a tweet from the locker room during a game saying "Coach wants more toughness. I gotta step up." At least is was a positive message (as opposed to celebrity gossip), but the Coach was not impressed and has made the locker room a No-Tweeting zone.

Expect to see No-Tweeting rules in courtrooms, schools, and workplaces.

PETA Wants to Make Tofu Flavored with George Clooney's Sweat

2009-03-14T21:38:00.001-04:00

Yes, you read that correctly. Apparently a towel that George Clooney used at a gym has been passed on to PETA, which wants to make tofu that uses Clooney's sweat as a flavoring.

According to an article in the L.A. Times, PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has written to Clooney asking his permission to use his sweat for tofu. It seems its possible to use sweat, which has its own "odor profile" for each person, as a flavoring.

The letter tells the actor that they want to turn his sweat into "George Clooney-flavored tofu (CloFu). We could do that and give the tofu away."

PETA, which recently has attracted publicity for re-branding fish as "sea kittens" to create sympathy for the wet scaly critters, goes on to say in its letter to the actor that while Clooney's fans would "swoon" at the idea of eating "CloFu," the group's main interest is to get people to eat tofu.
Clooney's response to the offer, as relayed to the Washington Post: "As a mammal, I'm offended."

Obama Nominates Locke for Commerce Post (Here's Why It Should Have Been John Locke)

2009-02-25T12:24:00.007-05:00

The news reports are buzzing across the wires today: "Obama nominates Locke for commerce secretary." Now, the assumption is being made that he's talking about Gary Locke, the former governor of Washington State, but if Obama really wants to think outside the box, I have a modest proposal to make: Obama should choose the other Locke: JOHN Locke from "Lost."

Sure, John Locke has never held elective office, but you can't say he doesn't have political experience. (And don't tell him what he can't do, or else you might get a knife in the back!) Let's look at his substantial achievements over the last four-plus seasons. In this time he has:

* gone face-to-face with the Smoke Monster... and lived to tell about it!
* fixed the time-warping Frozen Donkey Wheel!
* effectively interfaced with people (and other entities) of all backgrounds, from department store customers to Losties, Tailies, the Others, and the Other Others
* earned the trust of his higher-ups including Ben, Jacob, Richard Alpert, and Christian Shephard
* has pulled himself up by his bootstraps (literally), going from a physically challenged wheelchair-bound sad sack to a hard-charging leader of the Others
* served effectively as a clerk in a major cardboard-box manufacturer
* shown loyalty and sacrifice by giving one of his kidneys to his lying, scheming, fat-cat, bird-hunting, threw-his-son-out-a-window father

And, of course, John Locke is, like Pres. Obama, a self-professed "man of faith."

If the president is looking for unique qualifications and wants to really "reach across the aisle (isle)," he'll choose John Locke as commerce secretary.

Stock Market Sags - We're Gonna Party Like It's 1997!

2009-02-23T20:02:00.001-05:00

As of Monday, Feb. 23, the U.S. stock market has sunk to lows not seen since 1997. So in honor of this 12-year low and the vaporization of bazillions of dollars of wealth, let's look back at some events that occurred in 1997:

* Bill Clinton inaugurated for second term as U.S. President. Cigars and sex scandal to follow.

* Green Bay Packers win Super Bowl 31, their first since 1967. And Brett Favre had another decade-plus to play.

* O.J. Simpson found liable for the deaths of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman in a civil court. (Years later The Juice would get his butt thrown in jail again for armed robbery... doesn't this guy ever learn?)

* the investment banks Morgan Stanley and Dean Witter Reynolds merge. How quaint... back when banking companies were growing instead of imploding!

* The English Patient wins Best Picture at the Academy Awards. People still watched the Oscars back then.

* the U.K. Labour Party wins election, ending 18 years of rule by the Tories. Tony Blair becomes Prime Minister and enjoys popular support. It was not to last.

* IBM's computer Deep Blue defeats Garry Kasparov in a chess match. Deep Blue gets drunk at a party and makes a pass as Karparov's girlfriend, so Karparov shoots and kills the machine.

* Steve Jobs returns to Apple Computer. More than a decade later he's lost hair and weight, but is still wearing the same damn black turtleneck and blue jeans.

* Princess Diana is killed in a car crash in France. Camilla Parker-Bowles marries Prince Charles years later. Britain harnesses the Prince's ears as a source of wind power.

R.I.P. Socks the Cat, Former First Feline

2009-02-21T17:40:00.004-05:00

Socks the Cat takes a question from the press

Socks the Cat, the First Feline during the Clinton administration, has died. The former First Cat was put to sleep on Friday. Socks was 20 years old and was reported to be suffering from throat cancer.

Socks was rescued as a stray by Chelsea Clinton, Bill and Hillary's daughter, and lived with them in the Arkansas governor's mansion and then ascended to be the nation's First Cat when Bill Clinton was elected president.

Although Socks maintained the demeanor of a regular house cat, government insiders said that Socks had a keen knowledge of history and foreign policy, and was in fact the main architect of the Dayton peace accords that ended the war in the former Yugoslavia. Socks received many cards and letters from around the world, but for national security reasons was allowed to answer only with card containing a simple note and a paw print.

Socks wrote several books under various pseudonyms, including "Feral Cats in the Late Ottoman Empire" and "Mouse Catching Evolution and Practice in the Colonial American Agrarian Economy."

After the Clintons left the White House, Socks was cared for by Betty Currie, Bill Clinton's longtime secretary, and was said to be an advisor to Hillary Clinton in her run for the White House last year.

The final wishes of Socks the Cat are unknown at this time.

Woman Goes Crazy After Missing Her Flight - VIDEO

2009-02-16T15:40:00.003-05:00

Here is the famous "woman goes crazy after missing her flight" video. A woman at the Hong Kong airport misses her flight and goes absolutely bonkers, wailing and screaming, pounding on the counter and the ticket machine, and even throwing a tantrum on her back on the floor. OK, many of us have probably felt like reacting as she did... but unlike this lady, we had the good sense and self-control not to act it out.

This isn't just a quick "Damn! I missed the plane!"; this woman's tirade goes on for a full three minutes. Maybe airport staff should have tried to calm her down by promising her an extra packet of honey-roasted nuts on the next flight.

Shaq Dancing with Jabbawockeez at NBA All-Star Game

2009-02-16T00:49:00.003-05:00

37-year-old Shaquille O'Neal made the most of his 15th All-Star Game: He dunked. He clowned around. He won a share of the MVP award (with former teammate Kobe Bryant). But his most unusual "performance" came during the player introductions, when he donned a white mask and danced with the dance troupe Jabbawockeez. The man sure is versatile. See the video below.

When he and Bryant received the co-MVP awards, Shaq was asked why he did the Jabbawockeez performance before the game. Shaq explained that he just wanted to do something different, and said that his kids were big fans of Jabbawockeez.

The All-Star Game also featured a video of NBA stars performing love song excerpts as a Valentine's Day spoof, and Shaq supposedly got the biggest cheers for his rendition of “Caribbean Queen,” the Billy Ocean hit from the 1980s.

Nadya Suleman Website has Photos of the Octuplets... and a Button to Donate

2009-02-11T15:51:00.003-05:00

It should come as no surprise that the mother of the octuplets has a home page. The Nadya Suleman website has photos of all eight of the little tykes born less than a month ago, as well as a Donate button. Nadya Suleman, who now has a brood of 14 children, is accepting donations via MasterCard, Visa, and other credit cards, as well as PayPal.

Visitors can also leave comments on the Nadya Suleman website (I'd hate to think what some of those say), but other than that there's no additional information. It mostly seems like a fundraising vehicle. Maybe some more photos of the babies will be put up.

I can see why Suleman needs the cash: according to a blog posting on the Los Angeles Times, the mother of 14 is on food stamps, three of her older children are receiving disability payments, and she has $50,000 of student loans outstanding.

Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod) Admits to Using Steroids

2009-02-09T14:50:00.004-05:00

No, that's not a humorous fake headline: New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod) has admitted to taking steroids from 2001 to 2003. Rodriguez made the admission in an interview with ESPN, and the interview is set to be shown on SportsCenter tonight at 6 p.m.

Alex Rodriguez was one of 104 major league baseball players identified as using performance-enhancing drugs in 2003. MLB didn't have a ban on steroids and other similar drugs at the time, and the testing was done in part to determine how widespread the use of such drugs was and whether a ban and mandatory testing should be undertaken. (Read more on the A-Rod admission here).

Baseball implemented a ban on steroids in 2004.

Well, this will certainly replace Katy Perry's fruit-themed performance of her lesbionic hit song, "I Kissed a Girl," at the Grammys last night as the number-one topic of conversation around the water cooler!

Review of "Christina's House" Starring Allison Lange... Don't Let It In!

2009-02-07T23:16:00.003-05:00

The good folks at Arrow in the Head Reviews (part of JoBlo.com) have watched the movie "Christina's House" so you don't have to. If their take on the film is correct, they are doing you a big favor, for they are none too impressed with this clunker or with its star, Allison Lange. The first part of their review reads:

"Seventeen year old (looks more like 30) Christina (Lange) lives with her nutso dad (Savage) and doofus younger brother (Stewart) in a new house. But an intruder is also hiding in the house. He likes to plant cookies, notes and commit the occasional murder. Who is this person and why doesn’t he/she get a freaking life?"

Arrow in the Head is somewhat more impressed with one aspect of Allison Lange's performance, however:

"Allison Lange (Christina) lets her t!ts take center stage in tight shirts and they do most of the acting."

The review also says Lange "scares us with her close ups (ouch!)." Ouch indeed.

Arrow in the Head's review is a hoot to read and, it sounds, much more fun that actually seeing Allison Lange and the rest of "Christina's House."

Alec Baldwin Super Bowl Ad for Hulu - Turn Your Brain Into Cottage Cheese!

2009-02-02T17:31:00.002-05:00

Alec Baldwin's ad for the free online TV-viewing Web site Hulu.com was one of the best of the Super Bowl commercials, in my opinion. In the ad Baldwin says Hulu completes the process of softening your brain that regular TV started, "giving you more of the cerebral gelatinizing shows you want."

It's a goofy ad, much like Baldwin's performance on "30 Rock," and a nice bit of reverse psychology. Unless, of course, you really do want your brain to turn to the consistency of cottage cheese.

(If the video doesn't load, you can view it at the Hulu.com Web site.)

Charles Widmore from "Lost" to Bail Out U.S.?

2009-01-29T00:01:00.001-05:00

It's clear the U.S. economy is deep in the crapper, and with hundreds of billions of dollars not solving the problem, it's clear that only one person can come to the rescue: Charles Widmore.

Charles who, you say? Charles Widmore is the mysterious, obscenely rich mogul who's pulling a lot of the creepy strings in ABC's "Lost." Sure, he sponsors round-the-world sailing races and buys the very priciest single-malt Scotch, but that's run-of-the-mill billionaire stuff.

No, Charles Widmore can buy rare documents from a 19th-century slave ship, and what's more, carry out a massive diversionary campaign to find his true treasure: that mysterious South Pacific island that is home to the afore-mentioned slave ship, random polar bears, Others, Other Others, and a large quantity of Dharma Initiative Ranch Dressing. And, of course, the island can travel through time and space (which must wreck havoc with the ranch dressing's expiration date).

You see, Charles Widmore so badly wants the rest of the world to believe that Oceanic 815 was lost at the bottom of the ocean that he staged an elaborate fake crash scene on the bottom of the ocean. This is no mean feat; it involved buying a jetliner, filling it full of corpses (apparently these can be bought on the black market), and then having it placed at the bottom of the sea.

What price might Charles Widmore exact for agreeing to bail out the U.S. Treasury? Well, maybe the U.S. agreeing to give his hated son-in-law, Desmond, a one-way trip to the International Space Station. Or maybe a few of the U.S. Virgin Islands so that he can experiment with trying to send them through time and space? I hear St. John is nice this time of year (polar bears not included).

So how about it, Charles? You bail out our economy and we'll give you a Desmond Hume space shot and a few sunny islands? Tell you what, we'll throw in some of that specially aged Dharma Initiative Beer, too...

Senator Oprah?! ... and Other Odd Tales from Blago TV

2009-01-26T10:28:00.001-05:00

Soon-to-be-impeached Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich has packed up his show and is taking it on the road... literally. His impeachment trial (he's accused of trying to sell former Sen. Barack Obama's Senate seat) begins today in Illinois, but Blago is appearing on TV elsewhere ... one of the morning news shows, and later on, yes, The View.

It's been like Blago TV the last few days, all Blago all the time, as the disgraced governor appears on one TV program after another to profess his innocence. And at each point he's been dropping bizarre comments comparing his situation to all kinds of historical situations.

One of the latest revelations is that Blago says he was considering naming Oprah Winfrey to fill Obama's seat in the U.S. Senate. Huh? Maybe Oprah would make a great Secretary of Book Clubs, or could use her vast fortune to pay down the national debt, but a U.S. Senator?

Among the other odd events in the Blago scandal:
* he says his impeachment trial is "rigged and fixed"
* Blago compared his arrest to the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor
* he likened himself to historical figures including Gandhi and Nelson Mandela
* his lead attorney resigned a few days ago, saying of the governor, “I never require a client to do what I say, but I do require them to at least listen”
* Chicago mayor Richard Daley has said that Blago is "cuckoo"

This dude seems totally whacked out. Will somebody please tell governor Blagojevich to put the crack pipe down and slowly back away?

James Taylor's Eye Patch - What's Up with That?

2009-01-18T16:14:00.002-05:00

Anybody who's seen James Taylor on TV lately has noticed that he's sporting a new accessory on his head... no, not a toupee, but an eye patch on his left eye. So what's up with that? Did Sweet Baby James forget that "National Talk Like a Pirate Day" was several months ago? Is he trying to Go to Pirates of the Caribbean in his Mind?

Apparently it's nothing of the sort. I saw a brief bit of Taylor's appearance on the Larry King Show Saturday night and was surprised to see that black eye patch. Fortunately, guest host D.L. Hughley asked what countless viewers no doubt were wondering... Why are you wearing an eye patch?... and The Handyman replied that he had fallen down (maybe he's not so handy when comes to walking?).

Taylor didn't explain the nature of the accident, and Hughley didn't pursue it. But it's a bit of unfortunate timing, since James Taylor is making a number of public appearances these days in the lead-up to his performance at today's inaugural concert on the national mall.

But if he decides to hang on to that eye patch, he's got a head start on a fun Halloween costume.

Fantasy Island's Ricardo Montalban Dies at Age 88

2009-01-14T19:21:00.001-05:00

Ricardo Montalban, the actor known as the proprietor of TV's Fantasy Island, has died at the age of 88. He also starred in movies including Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn. He also appeared in the Spy Kids movies. You can read more about Ricardo Montalban's death on the People magazine Web site.

Since I never watched Fantasy Island much, my exposure to Ricardo Montalban is mostly from his much-lampooned car commercials for the Chrysler Cordoba, during which Montalban would mention the "seats available in rich, crushed velour... or soft, Corinthian leather!"

He would later add in the commercials, "I like what they've done to my car!"

Rest in peace, Ricardo... hopefully in some soft, Corinthian leather.

2009 Improv Everywhere No Pants Subway Ride - This Saturday

2009-01-07T18:26:00.006-05:00

If you'd like to feel the breeze of a New York City subway platform on your bare legs and will be available this Saturday, you might want to take part in the 8th Annual No Pants Subway Ride, an event put on by Improv Everywhere. As the name says, the event involves numerous people riding a given New York City subway train wearing no pants (people of both sexes are welcome). The No Pants Subway Ride always evokes curious looks from other train passengers, especially since the participants are instructed to behave as if there was nothing unusual going on.

The 2009 No Pants Subway Ride takes place this Saturday, January 10th. Get all the details on the event at the 2009 No Pants Subway Ride Web site. There you can find all the instructions for the event and decide if it's something you want to do. You can also find photos from previous No Pants Subway Rides.

The No Pants Subway Ride is put on by the public performance group Improv Everywhere, which has held numerous memorable events in the past. One of more well-known events occurred when the group had participants walk through Grand Central Station and then freeze at the same time, and stay in their frozen pose for several minutes. (If you haven't seen the video of this, check out the Improv Everywhere Web site... the reactions of the other people in the Station are priceless.) On another occasion the group enlisted people to act as bathroom attendants at McDonald's.

At the Web site you can also get on the Improv Everywhere mailing list and find out about other events you may want to participate in.

Introducing the MacBook Wheel - No Keyboard, Just One Big Clickwheel!

2009-01-07T00:24:00.003-05:00

The Onion has done a great send-up of the Macworld conference hysteria with this report on the MacBook Wheel (video below), a laptop computer that has no keyboard and instead has a big iPod-like clickwheel to provide input.

Why bother typing out a sentence when you can accomplish the same thing with a few hundred clicks of the wheel?

And as one Mac fan blurts out, "I'll buy almost anything if it's shiny and made by Apple."

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

Wacky News Update: Thor Scares a Burglar, Blue Man Group Starts a Preschool, and More

2009-01-03T09:18:00.003-05:00

It's a new year, and that means new wackiness from the beautiful people as well as everyday folks, as these examples show...

* Man Dressed as the Norse God Thor Scares Off Burglar: A Scottish man dressed as the Norse god Thor came home from a party and scared away a burglar who'd broken into the man's home. Thirty-eight year old Torvald Alexander went to a New Year's Eve costume party decked out as Thor (he has a Norwegian name), and returned home to find a thief in his home. The six-foot-tall Alexander chased after the intruder while still wearing his red cape and winged helmet.

* Blue Man Group Launches a Preschool in New York: Performance artists Blue Man Group have extended their brand beyond the music CDs and t-shirts: they've opened their own high-tech preschool in New York City. As you'd guess, the Blue Man Group preschool seeks to merge traditional preschool learning with technology and a big helping of fun and play.

* Thousands of Shoes Dumped on Miami Highway: Enough shoes to fill up Imelda Marcos's closet were dumped on the Palmetto Expressway in Miami on New Year's Day by person or persons unknown, snarling traffic for hours.
The shoes appeared on the southbound lane of the Expressway shortly before 8 a.m. Friday, and included everything from work boots and sneakers to bath slippers, beach sandals, and even roller blades. Authorities closed down traffic to collect the shoes, cause long traffic delays. Police have no idea if the shoes' appearance is just the result of a truck losing its load or some kind of social of political commentary, such as a reaction to George Bush having shoes tossed at him at a news conference in Iraq.

Hot Seller: Order the 2009 Sarah Palin Calendar

2008-12-26T13:58:00.003-05:00

Sarah Palin was one of the hottest news topics of 2008 (in more ways that one), so it's no surprise that the 2009 Sarah Palin Calendar has become a big seller this holiday season. You can order a copy (or two, or three) at the official Sarah Palin Calendar Web site, www.sarahcalendar.com, or at Amazon.com (use the Search box at right).

It's currently the second best-selling calendar on Amazon.com, according to one news story. The 2009 Sarah Palin Calendar is a 9 x 12," 13-month wall calendar that is said to feature more than 50 photos of the governor and her family, and it was created by Alaska photographer Judy Patrick.

You can buy the Sarah Palin Calendar at Judy Patrick's official order site above. The calendar is $15.95 and, you betcha, it's produced and printed in the good ol' USA! No indication of whether it includes recipes for mooseburgers or caribou stew or anything like that. But you're sure to see photos of Palin's adorable kids, and maybe some shots of Todd Palin, the first dude, on his snowmachine.

Montauk Monster Wins Awards, Stars in TV Commercial

2008-12-21T17:07:00.008-05:00

The Montauk Monster is proving to be more than a one-season wonder. Now there are awards and maybe a TV commercial! After all the intense interest in Monty during this past summer, when the monster washed up on a beach in Montauk, New York, the attention died down during the Fall, with Monty keeping a low profile. But the Montauk Monster is back in the news as Winter sets in, capturing the coveted "WTF of the Year" title at the URLie awards.

I lobbied hard to have John McCain name Monty as his running mate, and even (prematurely) wrote a post saying that Monty had been picked as VP. And of course who can forget the Montauk Monster chilling with his celebrity buddies?

Now it seems Monty is doing commercials (see below), specifically a German Volkswagen ad. The dog-fish in the spot bears too much of a resemblance to the Montauk Monster to be a coincidence. But is it Monty or a celebri-creature lookalike? If that's not Monty in the ad, he should sue Volkswagen for unauthorized impersonation!

Bristol Palin's Mother-In-Law Arrested on Drug Charges

2008-12-19T15:54:00.004-05:00

If you thought the odd saga of Sarah Palin and her family couldn't get any stranger, it has. Sherry Johnston, the future mother-in-law of Bristol Palin, has been busted in Alaska on drug charges... six felony drug counts, in fact.

In case you erased her name from your memory after the election, Bristol Palin is one of the five children of Alaska Governor and former Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin. It came out during the campaign that Bristol was pregnant with the child of her boyfriend Levi Johnston.

Police say the arrest of Levi's mother Sherry Johnston came after a lengthy undercover investigation. The charges are said to be related to the prescription painkiller OxyContin.

With the baby of Bristol and Levi due any day now, the arrest of the 42-year-old Mrs. Johnston should make for interesting conversation between the two grandmothers, one a governor and the other an accused felon.

You can't make this stuff up. Well, you could, but no one would believe you.

Burger King Cologne and Other Tales from the "WTF?!" Files

2008-12-18T23:32:00.004-05:00

When I first heard that a Burger King cologne was being sold, I assumed it was a joke. Turns out I was only half wrong: Burger King is not creating a cologne, but it is coming out with a body spray. Yes, it's going to be burger-scented, and it's called Flame. Really. No kidding.

Or maybe some kidding: considering BK's wacky TV commercials with a guy dressed up in that scary-looking King outfit, maybe this is all just a big PR stunt by Burger King. Flame body spray could well be a limited-distribution product designed to create publicity and sell burgers, not body spray. Just look at the company's promotion for the product, which says it offers "the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat."

Decide for yourself by checking out the official Burger King Flame body spray Web site, www.firemeetsdesire.com.

In a news story that redefines "moving violation," a Cleveland Browns fan was stopped by police last month for driving a sofa outfitted with a converted riding mower to a game. The fan will appear in court on Tuesday on charges of driving an unregistered vehicle and having expired license plates.

Some odd people feel that holiday season is a time for giving to themselves... especially when it comes to giving themselves a baby Jesus from a public nativity scene. So churches and other organizations are using GPS tracking to track down the baby Jesus figures that people have walked off with. It's working pretty well, it seems. Synagogues are also finding GPS helpful for tracking down menorahs that are stolen during the Hannukah.

Iraqi Man Throws His Shoes at Bush

2008-12-14T17:51:00.004-05:00

In a truly odd incident, an Iraqi man threw both of his shoes at the head of President Bush (video below) when the prez was in Baghdad holding a press conference with Iraqi leader Nuri al-Maliki. The Bush shoe thrower, whom some sources said was a journalist, also shouted in Arabic, "This is a farewell ... you dog!" Bush ducked both shoes, and the man was dragged off screaming.

It is considered an insult in Islam to throw a shoe at someone, or even to sit so that the sole of one's shoe faces another person. Bush made light of the shoe-throwing incident, saying "That was a size 10 shoe he threw at me, you may want to know."

Maybe journalists at Iraqi press conferences should be asked to remove their shoes, as U.S. airline passengers are forced to do before boarding planes?

Bettie Page, the Original Pinup Girl, Dies at Age 85

2008-12-12T01:33:00.001-05:00

Bettie Page, the original pinup girl whose racy photos created a stir back in the 1950s, has died at the age of 85. Back in the conservative days of the Eisenhower administration, Bettie Page caused a sensation by posing in the buff, in various bondage positions, and in naughty-but-nice poses that combined girl-next-door innocence with brazen sexuality. She was often credited for setting the stage for the sexual revolution of the 1960s.

Bettie Page died Thursday, December 11th in Los Angeles. Her agent announced her passing on her official Web site, www.bettiepage.com.

Page had undergone a surge of interest in the last two decades, and had a cult following. An authorized biography, “Bettie Page: The Life of a Pin-Up Legend,” was published in 1996, and she was the subject of the movie “The Notorious Bettie Page” two years ago, which starred Gretchen Mol as Page.

Ironically, Page voluntarily left public view in the late 1950s, and pretty much disappeared from public view. In that time she went through a variety of life changes, from failed marriages to mental illness to becoming a born-again Christian.

Behind the Scenes of the Parody "This Ain't Gilligan's Island"

2008-11-25T21:43:00.003-05:00

If there was any '60s TV show that could use a bawdy send-up, it's "Gilligan's Island." Entertainment Tonight has a video that takes us behind the scenes of a new adult movie called "This Ain't Gilligan's Island," a reinvention of the series about a boatload of tourists and crew shipwrecked on an island.

ET says the naughty Gilligan's Island tale picks up with the castaways living on the island and being discovered by an adult film crew that lands on the island. The video features the women who play the sexy female castaways of the S.S. Minnow, Ginger and Mary Ann. Sounds like a hoot. ET says it will be showing sneak previews of "This Ain't Gilligan's Island" on its TV show, so be sure to watch for that.

Pricey Call Girl Ashley Dupre is Interviewed on ABC's 20/20

2008-11-19T00:29:00.004-05:00

Disgraced former New York governor Eliot Spitzer has been keeping a low profile but Ashley Dupre, the high-priced hooker who led to his downfall, is revving up for another fifteen minutes of fame. She sat down for an interview with Diane Sawyer of ABC and that segment will be appearing on the show this Friday, November 21st.

Dupre, who went by the name "Kristen" at the sex ring and who is originally from the Jersey shore, ended up working for an exclusive New York City prostitution ring at which Spitzer, who became known in court documents as "Client 9," was a repeat customer and had asked for Dupre.

After her name was made known during the criminal investigation into the hooker ring, Dupre's name and photo were splashed all over the tabloids and the aspiring singer, received several million hits on her MySpace page within a week.

You have to wonder how Diane Sawyer feels about interviewing Ashley Dupre. She's a veteran journalist who has interviewed top politicians, heads of state, and many other important figures; how does chatting with a onetime prostitute and wannabe singer fit into her journalistic resume?

Company Pays $1 Million for Vibrators.com Domain Name

2008-11-14T23:53:00.002-05:00

There's a worldwide recession going on, but apparently it's not affecting the market for racy Internet domain names. TechCrunch reports that a firm called PriveCo, which specializes in selling the kind of items that are euphemistically called "marital aids" as well as what it terms "embarrassing' products," has paid $1 million to acquire the domain name vibrators.com.

PriveCo sells the goods on its Web site ShopInPrivate.com. TechCrunch says that the firm ships more than 1,500 packages a week.

That's a lot of vibrators! (and other stuff).

Free Coffee at Starbucks on Election Day!

2008-11-03T16:21:00.003-05:00

Neither of the presidential candidates are promising a chicken in every pot, but Starbucks is giving a free cup of coffee to Americans who vote on Election Day, Tuesday, November 4th. According to a video on the coffee seller's Web site (and seen as an advertisement on various videos online, including Saturday Night Live), people just have to walk into a Starbucks location and say
"I voted," and they will be given a free tall cup of brewed coffee.

The video doesn't give any specific hours for the voting promotion, so it seems the offer is good during all hours that a given Starbucks location is open. And the video doesn't mention having to provide any proof that a person has voted, or even if they are registered or eligible to vote, or are of legal voting age, or are a U.S. citizen.

Basically it sounds like if you look like you might be 18 years old and can speak the words "I vote," you've got your free cup of coffee.

Now, what about people who vote in the evening, say, after work? Will they be given a free cup of coffee in the daytime if they say "I'm going to vote"?

John McCain on SNL: Selling Stuff on QVC!

2008-11-02T10:02:00.004-05:00

The real John McCain was on Saturday Night Live last night, along with his real wife Cindy and the fake Sarah Palin (Tina Fey) to sell campaign goodies on QVC. You can watch the video below.

McCain also appeared on Weekend Update later in the show, describing what he might do to revitalize his campaign (the "Double maverick," the "reverse maverick," etc.)

Sarah Palin Rap on SNL with Amy Poehler - VIDEO

2008-10-19T09:56:00.002-04:00

Sarah Palin made her long-anticipated appearance on SNL last night, and the highlight was Amy Poehler doing a Sarah Palin rap... featuring dancers dressed as her husband Todd, a couple of native Alaskans (formerly called Eskimos), and even a moose... or what is a caribou?

I Can Has Cheezburger: Invasion of the LOLcats

2008-10-15T17:20:00.002-04:00

On the Internet, people can hear your cat talking. All the time, in fact, thanks to the phenomenon of LOLcats (LOL for "laughing out loud"), those cute and often bizarre photos of cats with odd, badly spelled captions on them. (It's not known if cats really have terrible spelling and grammar, but it adds to the humorous appeal of LOLcats.)

One recent blog article claimed that studies showed that more than 50% of email flying around the Internet consisted of LOLcats. It was a tongue-in-cheek statement, but there's no doubt that LOLcats are an Internet phenomenon that shows no signs of slowing down.

One of the first LOLcat photos (possibly the first) seemed to be one with the caption "I Can Has Cheezburger," which is also the name of what might be the original LOLcats site, www.icanhascheezburger.com.

At that site readers send in their own LOLcat samples, which they can put together easily with the site's "LOLcat builder." And like any good marketing business, www.icanhascheezburger.com has expanded by extending its brand, including "LOLdog" photos and LOL- photos with all kinds of other animals.

Paris Hilton for Prez Update: Tells Palin to "Show Skin"; Chats with Martin Sheen

2008-10-09T19:07:00.003-04:00

Paris Hilton has been kind of silent in her presidential campaign lately, but now she has a new video (below).

In the video Hilton:
* chats with Martin Sheen, the famous fake TV president;
* talks up fo-po (foreign policy);
* names her running mate (Rihanna);
* discloses her inauguration party plans;
* and gives Sarah Palin some advice: take your clothes off! (she urges the governor to "show some skin")

Vote Paris Hilton in 2008 ... our next great fake president!

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

University of Wisconsin Marching Band Suspended for Bad Behavior

2008-10-04T13:53:00.002-04:00

Usually when we hear about misbehavior involving college sports, it's the players who are getting into some kind of mischief. At the University of Wisconsin, however, the entire marching band that's gotten in trouble. Apparently the entire band has been suspended and will not be playing at halftime of Saturday's big prime-time, nationally televised matchup against Ohio State.

The Badgers Marching Band is facing accusations of "hazing, alcohol abuse, and sexual misconduct," according to reports. The University of Wisconsin announced Friday night that the band was suspended and would not be playing at the Big Ten game against Ohio State at Wisconsin's Camp Randall Stadium.

University officials seemed to indicate that the current allegations that led to the suspension were consistent with abuses that had the Badgers Marching Band placed on probation in 2006.

When was the last time you heard of a marching band beating out the football team in bad behavior? In high school, the marching band was made up of the uncool nerdy types. This is pretty odd. Since the problems with the band go back to at least 2006, looks like there's a musical shakeup coming in Madison.

Shea Goodbye: Baseball's NY Mets Bid Farewell to their Original Home

2008-09-28T20:25:00.003-04:00

Shea Goodbye: Citi Field, which will be the Mets' home beginning next season, looms right next to Shea Stadium, in this photo taken at the Mets/Cubs game on Sept. 23rd.

Shea Stadium can't match Yankee Stadium in longevity, number of championships won, or baseball mystique. But it has hosted many classic moments in its 45 years, and like Yankee Stadium, the home of the NY Mets was officially closed for good today at the end of this season with a ceremony featuring appearances by many of the franchise's most famed players. For the Mets, the end came today.

The closing ceremony, fittingly called "Shea Goodbye," was bittersweet not only because of the memories that were made there, but for a more immediate reason: The Mets lost their final regular-season game just before the ceremonies. That combined with a Milwaukee Brewers win over the Cubs meant that the Brewers claimed the National League wild card spot, and for the second straight season, the Mets blew a late-season lead to get knocked out of playoff contention.

But back to the closing ceremony for the Mets and Shea. Many of the team's storied players, including a number from the team's two World Series victories in 1969 and 1986, were there. Walking in from the outfield wall to the infield were such names as Lenny Dykstra, Howard Johnson, Sid Fernandez, Jerry Koosman, Gary Carter, Rusty Staub, and many others, including Hall of Fame pitcher Nolan Ryan (most baseball fans probably don't even know that he played for the Mets in the early years of his career).

Some of the biggest cheers were for Tom Seaver, the Hall of Fame pitcher from the 1960s who was called "The Franchise;" fellow Hall of Famer Willie Mays, who played his twilight years for the Mets; and fan favorites from the 1980s, including Keith Hernandez, Dwight Gooden, Dykstra, Darryl Stawberry, Carter, Mike Piazza, and relief pitcher Jesse Orosco.

There was an unusual bit of symmetry with the closing of Yankee Stadium a week or so ago, one that linked the two teams and also two eras of baseball. One of the Mets honored at the Shea closing ceremony was legendary Yankee player Yogi Berra, who was one of the first Mets managers, and who also was featured at the Yankee Stadium closing ceremony.

One by one, the players touched home plate one last time, and then there was one final pitch thrown at Shea: 1960s Mets legend Tom Seaver threw a one-hop pitch to catcher Mike Piazza, who energized the team when he played for them in the late 1990s and early 2000s. After that, Seaver and Piazza walked across the field toward the opening in the outfield walls from where all the players had emerged. The two players stopped and waved, and then each of them closed one of the outfield walls, bringing an end to the 45-year history of the stadium that has been the Mets home since 1964.

Exploding Pudding Truck Sends Driver Running

2008-09-26T17:25:00.002-04:00

There's always room for Jell-O, but 60 tons of exploding pudding turned out to be too much for a bewildered British truck driver. The driver had to flee after the 60,000 cans of custard and rice pudding started exploding "like fireworks" when a fire broke out on his truck.

The cans were said to be exploding "like thousands of gunshots." The driver was apparently unaware that his truck was on fire until passersby flagged him down. He eventually stopped the truck and hightailed it away from the Pudding Truck from Hell before it started exploding like a pudding lover's 4th of July dream.

Got any vanilla wafers?

It's The Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator!

2008-09-17T00:33:00.002-04:00

Get your own name for yourself or your baby with The Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator!

The whole country has gone ga-ga over everyone's favorite gun-toting, moose-shooting, specs-wearing, earmarks-hating governor from the land of Northern Exposure. And she and her husband Todd have a real knack for giving their kids unique names... kind of new-age style with a All-American, frozen tundra twist! (Their kids' names are Trig, Track, Bristol, Willow, and Piper.)

Now if you're reading this, it's unfortunately too late for you to be born, and to have Sarah Palin give you a name. But the good news is that you can now get a name for yourself or your baby, as if you'd popped out of the loins of Sarah Barracuda herself, with The Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator.

With this name generator, you can be "born again" as a Palin child!

Sarah Palin - Little Known Facts!

2008-09-06T19:12:00.001-04:00

Sarah Palin has definitely arrived as an Intenet celebrity... Cnet has reported that Palin has now inspired several Web collections of "little known facts," of the same type as the popular "Chuck Norris Facts." (Apparently Norris has chosen some of his own favorites from the facts featured on the site devoted to him.)

Among the Sarah Palin "little known facts":
- Sarah Palin taught MacGuyver everything he knows.
- Sarah Palin always beats the point spread.
- Sarah Palin knows the last digit of pi.
- Sarah Palin wants more cowbell.
- Sarah Palin drives herself to work everyday - in an M1A1 tank.
- Sarah Palin CAN eat just one Pringle.
- Glasses sales up 150 percent since Sarah palin became nominee.

You can find these and many other Sarah Palin little known facts at www.palinfacts.com/ and on Twitter.

Got some of your own? Add them here!

You Suck at Photoshop - Donnie Hoyle's Hilarious Video Series

2008-08-16T12:20:00.004-04:00

You Suck at Photoshop is a hilarious video tutorial series by "Donnie Hoyle." Of course, calling it a "tutorial" is a stretch because its main point is to amuse (although you might really learn some basics of Photoshop by viewing the videos). In the You Suck at Photoshop you can hear Donnie's wife yelling in the background as digitally removes the wedding ring from his wife's finger and other various important tasks.

In fact, as a radio report on August 16th points out, You Suck at Photoshop is really a guerilla marketing campaign created by Big Fat Institute, a company that specializes in word-of-mouth marketing campaigns.

It's working like gangbusters: You Suck at Photoshop has won a number of comedy awards and the folks at Adobe Systems, the company that makes Photoshop, are said to be fans of the videos.

Bigfoot Press Conference: Creature Announces Book, Movie Deal

2008-08-15T13:08:00.001-04:00

Tired of the endless rumors and speculation, the so-called Georgia Bigfoot creature is holding a press conference Friday to address questions about his life, his future, and his very existence.

Sources indicate that Bigfoot, who is known to his friends as "Bucky" or sometimes "The Buckster," was troubled that photos said to be of him were circulating all over the Internet, many of them fake... and that he was getting none of the money.

It has been confirmed that Bucky has signed an exclusive deal with the William Morris Agency to act as his agent and handle his various business dealings. This includes a deal with Getty Images to handle the licensing rights for all authentic images of Bigfoot.

William Morris handles many top film, music, and other celebrities, and Bigfoot's agreement is said to include a two-book deal and options for at least two films, one an autobiography and the other a Bollwood-style musical based on the life of a fictional Appalachian bigfoot-type creature who seeks to make it big in the movie business.

New Jersey's Rebecca Soni Takes Gold Medal, World Record in 200m Breaststroke

2008-08-15T01:23:00.003-04:00

OK, we here at Coffee is for Closers have to throw in a little Jersey pride here: our local gal Rebecca Soni has pulled another great performance out of the hat and taken another Olympic medal... and this one's gold.

The 21 year old from Plainsboro, New Jersey beat Australia's "Lethal" Leisel Jones in the women's 200m breaststroke in world record time, pulling further away from the favorite Jones as the race neared its end.

Soni was the surprise silver medalist in the 100m breaststroke, coming in second to Jones. Rebecca Soni was not even originally scheduled to swim the 100m breaststroke, having finished fourth in the U.S. trials in the event. But she was inserted into the race after a teammate withdrew after having a positive drug test.

In true American melting-pot fashion, Rebecca Soni is the daughter of Hungarian and Romanian immigrants to the U.S.

You can read more about Rebecca Soni's bio silver medal victory and find a Rebecca Soni bio and profile at USA Swimming.

Congrats, Rebecca! I've got a number of friends from the Princeton/Plainsboro area, and I'm sure everyone down there in Central Jersey is very proud of their local girl.

The Rad Girls - Episodes and Behind the Scenes Videos

2008-08-13T13:26:00.003-04:00

The three Rad Girls are out to do wacky stunts, pranks, and hidden camera videos, and they don't care who they embarrass (least of all themselves). At the Rad Girls Web site you can view videos, from episodes of their Fuse TV show to behind-the-scenes videos including their crane-lifted wedgie challenge and their tryouts to be strippers.

They're rad, they're bad, they're out to cause mayhem and embarrassment. Follow the adventures of Ramona Cash, Darling Clementine, and Munchie in The Rad Girls.

Montauk Monster Chillin' With His Fellow Celebs - PHOTOS

2008-08-06T22:09:00.007-04:00

It's been said that Law of Attraction notes that people are attracted to things that are like themselves. If that's true, then many A-list celebs want to be like a rotting animal carcass, because they've been making a beeline to get close to everyone's favorite "thing," the Montauk Monster.

Doing the fist pump with Barack ... jumping on Oprah's couach ... hangin' with Marlon Brando in a vintage poster for The Godfather ... joining the Full House gang ... the stars all want to hang with Monty!

Celebs love the Monty almost as much as Photoshop does, and that brings up to these photos from the new Montauk Monster mashup site, www.Montymash.com. Some examples here...

Oprah shrieks, "I'm in love! I'm really in love with Monty!!"

(Of course, there are some D-list hangers-on, like Carrot Top here.)

Get this pasty-face, orange-haired FREAK away from me!

Inquiring minds will naturally be asking, John McCain chose the Montauk Monster as his running mate, but there are no pictures of the two of them here. What's up with that?

Patience, dear reader. Johnny Mac knows that Monty is a unique running mate and is letting his light shine all on its own for now. There will be plenty of time for Mac and Monty to do joint appearances, once Monty is done with Jay and Dave and Conan and Rachael Ray (bet you didn't know that the Montauk Monster could cook up a mean lobster tail fra diavlo with linguine and white clam sauce!)

Montauk Monster 2.0: New Pictures, eBay Auction, and More!

2008-08-05T23:07:00.004-04:00

It was sad to think that the feel-good event of this New York summer, the discovery of our very own Montauk Monster, had outlived its 15 minutes of fame. But wait! There's more!

Gawker has put together a photo album in tribute to the Montauk Monster. Called the 2008 Montauk Monster Yearbook, it includes many of the photos of the Monster, as well as some clever take-offs, including the Montauk Monster cuddling up to a woman in an evening gown, the Monster with sunglasses and a hand of playing cards, and even the Monster sticking out of a bucket of KFC! "Finger Lickin' Gross," as the caption says!

Even better, Gawker alerts us to a new site, MontyMash.com, that collects some of the best Zelig-like moments of our beloved Monty, including some of the ones mentioned above, plus an ever-growing collection of reader-submitted contris. You can see Monty in The Godfather, as part of the Full House TV gang, and even wading into the political sphere, appearing with Hillary Clinton and doing a fist-bump with Barack! (No word on whether these Democratic photos will have an adverse impact on the Montauk Monster being chosen by John McCain as his VP.)

And... miracle of miracles!... a man has claimed that the Montauk Monster magically appeared on his piece of morning toast!

It's a fitting tribute to the Montauk Monster as we knew him, as he used to be (unfortunately he has now turned to bones and black goo, in a plastic bag in someone's garage).

John McCain Names the Montauk Monster His Running Mate

2008-08-02T12:51:00.008-04:00

Wolf Blitzer breaks the news: McCain picks Montauk Monster for VP!

Seeking to prove that Republicans can offer "change" just as well as the Democrats, John McCain has reached deep into the diversity well and chosen the Montauk Monster as his running mate.

The Montauk Monster, which became an instant celebrity last week after pictures of it lying on a Long Island beach were published in Gawker and other places, has made headlines not just in local news sources like Newsday and the Hamptons' Plum TV, but also Scientific American and CNN.

Approached while running to catch a plane, McCain would neither confirm nor deny the choice of the Montauk Monster as veep, saying only, "The Montauk Monster has touched a lot of Americans in the last week or so, and I know he believes in the values that my campaign is stressing. Like me, Monty shares a love of American freedom and a firm belief that lower taxes, less government regulation, and offshore oil drilling will keep America strong and prosperous."

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was less enthusiastic about the potential VP choice. "An old, decrepit, rotting corpse is not the change America is looking for. And having the Montauk Monster on the ticket doesn't help, either."

Of course, the seemingly dead creature known affectionately as "Monty" must clear some piddling legal hurdles before being able to accept the number-two spot on the Republican ticket: Is he 35 years old? Is he human (I'm not sure if the Constitution specifically demands a "human")? Then there are of course the traditional political skeletons-in-the-closet questions to be tackled: Has the Montauk Monster had any tawdry affairs, hired an illegal nanny, played footsie in an airport bathroom with a Federal agent, etc.

Montauk Monster Has Curious Americans Wondering, "WTF is that Thing?!"

2008-07-31T23:38:00.004-04:00

Four-dollar gas. Recession. An endless war overseas. But the thing that's preoccupying Americans these days is a butt-ugly, bird-beaked, nekkid-as-a-jaybird rotting animal corpse that's washed up on the northeast end of New York's Long Island. So what the hell is this "Montauk Monster," as it's being called?

[BREAKING NEWS: John McCain has named the Montauk Monster his running mate!]

Here are some possible explanations of what the Montauk Monster is, ranging from the practical to the absurd (you can decide for yourself which is which). [UPDATE: A blog called Amnesia Blog has a good collection of Montauk Monster pictures, so you can get a better look at The Thing.]

* Lab experiment gone wrong, escaped from a nearby agricultural research facility, the Plum Island Animal Disease Center
* A turtle without a shell (never mind the fact that turtles can't just detach from their shells, like in those TV cartoons)
* A shaved raccoon
* An alien creature from outer space, come to warn us about the end of the world (or to go on a tour of one of the North Fork's many wineries)
* A new undiscovered species of animal, just out looking to check out some of the North Fork's wineries
* A pretty snazzy creation of someone's imagination and a lot of time spent on Photoshop
* An escaped pet (notice the cloth wrapped around it's right front arm... leg... whatever it is)
* A very large rat, escaped from the NYC subway or maybe the Long Island Rail Road (it got injured after not Minding the Gap)
* A Department of Defense experiment - a successor to the attack badgers the British were supposedly using in Iraq
* A very lifelike synthetic creature made by an unemployed movie prop maker with a lot of free time and even more spare latex
* A viral marketing stunt for a sci-fi TV show
* Joan Rivers fell off a cruise boat... this is how she looks without her wig

What do you think the Montauk Monster is? Let us know!

The Montauk Monster - Just the Thing for a Slow Summer!

2008-07-30T17:01:00.001-04:00

Things can get kind of slow in the news business during the summer in New York, so writers and bloggers must have been cheered by the mysterious appearance (and apparent disappearance) of what's being called The Montauk Monster, which was seen lying on its side on a Montauk, Long Island beach.

The creature looks like a hairless dog, with an eagle-type beak for a nose. Gawker published a photo of the Montauk Monster along with a story, with some of their classic commentary. It notes that one person has claimed that this might be an escapee from a government animal testing lab that's supposedly nearby, but Gawker disagrees:

"... unless the government is trying to design horrible Montauk monsters that will eat IEDs and fart fire at bad Iraqis, we're not sure why they would create such an unthinkable beast. Our guess is that it's viral marketing for something. Ali Lohan's new album perhaps."

Ali Lohan and her famous sister (and father, and mother) were apparently unavailable for comment.

So is this a viral marketing scam, as Gawker suggests? We may never know, because liberal blog The Huffington Post has wasted no time in jumping on the Montauk Monster bandwagon, giving the creature his (her?) own column, entitled The Montauk Monster.

In the current column, the Monster says that he (she?) came to the beach for sun and surf: "The sun was very hot and I took a nap, naked. And then it turns out a picture of this very nap was posted on the Internet, paparazzi or some such thing, I'd imagine."

There you go, straight from the Montauk Monster's mouth. Now that the Monster is working for HuffPo, I guess its job will be to blog about New York nightlife and write puff pieces on Barack Obama.