Chimps With Spears? Just Don't Let Them Have PCs

Are chimps getting ready to take over the world? A report in the March 6 issue of Current Biology says that researchers in Senegal saw wild chimps biting the tips of sticks, then poking them into the holes of trees to jab small primates called "bush babies" and pull them out.

Chimps are pretty close to humans, genetically. They've already been taught a number of not-so-stupid human tricks, like recognizing colors and patterns, pointing to sequences of pictures to "talk," etc. Now they're figuring out spears on their own. What's next--knives? pistols? assault rifles? rocket-propelled grenades?

Here's a scarier scenario: Chimps using computers. There's always been that tired old saying from Philosophy 101 class, if you have an infinite number of monkeys sitting at an infinite number of typewriters (yeah, it's an old saying), eventually one of them will type up a Shakespeare play. Well, maybe the animal is really a chimp, you only need one of 'em, and the time is now.

Chimps are smarter than monkeys, and they know better than to write something with as little earning potential as a play; they've probably heard about how many unemployed playwrights there are. And no self-respecting 21st-century chimp would be caught dead using a typewriter.

No, what's scary is these hairy fellows finding PCs and the Internet. Before long they'll be mimicking human behavior and becoming bloggers, spammers, chat junkies, and online shoppers. In the digital age, the language problem is no big impediment to using the 'Net, because it's not like anyone online uses the King's English. How hard can it be for the average chimp to pound out stuff like LOL, BCNU, ROFLMAO, and I <3 Britney?

Like that famous New Yorker cartoon says, on the Internet, no one knows you're a dog. Or a chimp. Once our simian cousins start spamming and blogging and buying stuff online, the human race is going straight down the tubes. It won't be long before we're all dressed in loincloths and chains, and conversing with primates named Cornelius and Zira.

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Take a Nap--It's Good for Your Heart!

Now this is the kind of health advice I can really get into following!

From an Associated Press news article last week:
"A six-year study of nearly 24,000 Greek adults found those who regularly took midday naps lowered their risk of dying from heart disease by more than a third." The effect was most pronounced in adults who worked, and was less pronounced in persons who were not employed. It's thought that napping helps the people process thoughts and reduces stress from the working day.

"Afternoon siesta in a healthy individual may act as a stress-reducing habit, and there is considerable evidence that stress has both short- and-long-term adverse effects on the incidence and mortality from CHD (coronary heart disease)," said one of the doctors involved in the research.

I've always liked taking naps during the day, how about you? Will you nap more as a result of these findings?

Well, I'm off for a healthy nap... I can just feel my heart getting healthier as a doze off to sleep ... zzzzzzzz....

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Britney Spears Channels Sinead O'Connor with New "Bald is Beautiful" Look

Stumbling out of clubs, cavorting around sans-panties, dropping her kids on the head--you'd think Britney Spears had done enough bizarre things lately to last a lifetime, or at least the rest of this decade. But no, not for the girl who is, ironically, best known for songs called "Crazy" and "Oops! I did it again."

Yesterday the 25-year-old pop tart was seen on TV video sporting a shaved head while getting a new tattoo at an L.A. tattoo parlor on Friday. It was reportedly that she had checked into a rehab facility, but then checked out the same day.

I've heard of rapid detox, but didn't know that substance abuse could be cured with drive-thru rehab. What an idea... sorting out your demons as quickly and easily as picking up a Value Meal at the McDonald's pick-up window! Maybe she's on the cutting edge of new medical advances, who knows.

Until recently, the lady had her defenders, people who said that she was just going through a phase after her divorce. But now there can be no doubt: Britney "Call Me Sinead" Spears has officially gone off the deep end.

Why did Britney shave her head? Is she trying to emulate the former look of singer Sinead O'Connor? Or is she trying to snag the look of some well-known actresses in their bald roles, like Sigourney Weaver in Alien 3, or Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta?

Britneys' manager couldn't be reached for comment. That poor fellow may well have checked into rehab, too, following this latest instance of his client's misbehavior.

Good Lighting Makes Any Room Look Better and More Elegant

Tell someone that you're looking to improve your home, and they'll ask you about a new paint job, new furniture, refinishing the floors, or new decor. But one of the best and most flexible ways to create a new look is through the creative use of home lighting fixtures.

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