Lauren Upton's convoluted answer in a beauty pageant didn't help her in that competition, but it landed her in second place in the voting for "memorable phrase of the year."
Upton was South Carolina's contestant in the Miss Teen America contest, and in answer to a question about why one-fifth of Americans are unable to locate the U.S. on a map, she said:
"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us."
Well, that's more of an essay than a quote. Fortunately the winner of the most memorable quote of the year was much shorter: "Don't Tase Me, Bro," a phrase uttered by University of Florida student Andrew Meyer back in September when he was apprehended by police for disrupting a speech by U.S. Senator John Kerry.
Man, if I was Andrew Meyer I would have immediately trademarked that phrase, so that anyone who wanted to print it or even say it would have to may a licensing fee... kind of like AT&T did years ago when people started using "Reach out and touch someone" for all kinds of nefarious purposes. Meyer could have made a fortune with "Don't Tase Me, Bro" t-shirts, coffee mugs, beer cozies, the possibilities are endless!
I was disappointed that another quote related to a Senator (this one actually said by a Senator) only weighed in at Number 8 on the 2007 most memorable quote of the year. That would be Idaho Senator Larry Craig who, when asked by his foot touched that of an undercover cop in a men's room, said. "(I have) a wide stance when going to the bathroom."
Showing posts with label larry craig. Show all posts
Showing posts with label larry craig. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Colbert Runs for President; Larry Craig for VP?
Al Gore won't run, but mock talk-show host Stephen Colbert will. He's announced that he's going to run in his home state of South Carolina (I never would have pegged him as being from S.C., but that's besides the point).
Since Colbert will undoubtedly get plenty of press, I'd like to focus on a less talked-about issue: Who will Colbert choose as a running mate? Here's my suggestion: Since Colbert is a polished, urbane fellow, he should choose a more rural, down-to-earth guy for his veep.
My choice: None other than Larry "Wide Stance" Craig, the retiring-under-scandal U.S. Senator from Idaho. Despite his "I am not gay" protestations, I think everyone can read behind the lines and see the discomfort of Craig, a conservative from a conservative rural state, trying so hard to hold that closet door closed lest his inner Gay American burst out (or be dragged out).
It's been one of the funniest and most preposterous episodes in recent political memory, listening to Craig fumble and bumble in to the cameras while trying to explain that his playing footsy with a law enforcement officer in an airport men's room was not an attempt at a gay hookup.
Moving hit foot to the side to touch that of the undercover agent in the next stall? "I have a wide stance," Craig explained. I can't even remember how (or if) he tried to explain away rubbing his hand along the side wall of the stall, or putting his duffel bag in front of the stall door to obscure the view.
Listening to Craig's laughable explanations, I kept thinking of the bathroom scene in the first "Austin Powers" movie, in which Austin is in a stall next to the character played by Tom Arnold. While Austin grunts and groans as he fights with a henchman of Dr. Evil, demanding "Who does Number Two work for?," Arnold assumes his stallmate is struggling to unleash The Mother of All Dumps, telling Powers "You tell that turd who's boss!" and asking, "How about a courtesy flush?"
Since Larry Craig probably won't do it himself, I'm urging him to throw his hat into the ring... while keeping one foot in the stall and the other in the closet, of course.
Since Colbert will undoubtedly get plenty of press, I'd like to focus on a less talked-about issue: Who will Colbert choose as a running mate? Here's my suggestion: Since Colbert is a polished, urbane fellow, he should choose a more rural, down-to-earth guy for his veep.
My choice: None other than Larry "Wide Stance" Craig, the retiring-under-scandal U.S. Senator from Idaho. Despite his "I am not gay" protestations, I think everyone can read behind the lines and see the discomfort of Craig, a conservative from a conservative rural state, trying so hard to hold that closet door closed lest his inner Gay American burst out (or be dragged out).
It's been one of the funniest and most preposterous episodes in recent political memory, listening to Craig fumble and bumble in to the cameras while trying to explain that his playing footsy with a law enforcement officer in an airport men's room was not an attempt at a gay hookup.
Moving hit foot to the side to touch that of the undercover agent in the next stall? "I have a wide stance," Craig explained. I can't even remember how (or if) he tried to explain away rubbing his hand along the side wall of the stall, or putting his duffel bag in front of the stall door to obscure the view.
Listening to Craig's laughable explanations, I kept thinking of the bathroom scene in the first "Austin Powers" movie, in which Austin is in a stall next to the character played by Tom Arnold. While Austin grunts and groans as he fights with a henchman of Dr. Evil, demanding "Who does Number Two work for?," Arnold assumes his stallmate is struggling to unleash The Mother of All Dumps, telling Powers "You tell that turd who's boss!" and asking, "How about a courtesy flush?"
Since Larry Craig probably won't do it himself, I'm urging him to throw his hat into the ring... while keeping one foot in the stall and the other in the closet, of course.
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