Friday, November 16, 2007

Travis Barker is Alive, but the Flying Spaghetti Monster is Dead

Relief over the news that former Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker is indeed alive was tempered by sadness: it has been reported by the highly reputable news source MySpace that the popular cult god Flying Spaghetti Monster, or FSM, is dead.

The news was announced in a posting by the respected 13-year-old MySpacer GothChik1994. In the same posting, GothChik1994 also reported that she is really bummed out because she has a big zit on her chin and her favorite hardcore band, Born of Osiris, is not coming to her town.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster, affectionately known as "Spags" to his many loyal followers, was reportedly found dead in his garage on Nov. 13th after returning home from an awards ceremony. FSM was said to have been drinking sacramental holy wine at the dinner, but it is not known at this time if alcohol was a factor in the alleged death.

The church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster uses specialized wines as its sacraments, including Boone's Farm and Richard's Wild Irish Rose.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster leaves behind his devoted disciples Rotini, Manicotti, Spaghettini, and Linguine.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster had requested in his will that in the event of his passing, he be cooked in a pan of water with a pinch of salt until al dente, and then drained and covered with white clam sauce.

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