Saturday, August 16, 2008

You Suck at Photoshop - Donnie Hoyle's Hilarious Video Series

You Suck at Photoshop is a hilarious video tutorial series by "Donnie Hoyle." Of course, calling it a "tutorial" is a stretch because its main point is to amuse (although you might really learn some basics of Photoshop by viewing the videos). In the You Suck at Photoshop you can hear Donnie's wife yelling in the background as digitally removes the wedding ring from his wife's finger and other various important tasks.

In fact, as a radio report on August 16th points out, You Suck at Photoshop is really a guerilla marketing campaign created by Big Fat Institute, a company that specializes in word-of-mouth marketing campaigns.

It's working like gangbusters: You Suck at Photoshop has won a number of comedy awards and the folks at Adobe Systems, the company that makes Photoshop, are said to be fans of the videos.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Bigfoot Press Conference: Creature Announces Book, Movie Deal

Tired of the endless rumors and speculation, the so-called Georgia Bigfoot creature is holding a press conference Friday to address questions about his life, his future, and his very existence.

Sources indicate that Bigfoot, who is known to his friends as "Bucky" or sometimes "The Buckster," was troubled that photos said to be of him were circulating all over the Internet, many of them fake... and that he was getting none of the money.

It has been confirmed that Bucky has signed an exclusive deal with the William Morris Agency to act as his agent and handle his various business dealings. This includes a deal with Getty Images to handle the licensing rights for all authentic images of Bigfoot.

William Morris handles many top film, music, and other celebrities, and Bigfoot's agreement is said to include a two-book deal and options for at least two films, one an autobiography and the other a Bollwood-style musical based on the life of a fictional Appalachian bigfoot-type creature who seeks to make it big in the movie business.

New Jersey's Rebecca Soni Takes Gold Medal, World Record in 200m Breaststroke

OK, we here at Coffee is for Closers have to throw in a little Jersey pride here: our local gal Rebecca Soni has pulled another great performance out of the hat and taken another Olympic medal... and this one's gold.

The 21 year old from Plainsboro, New Jersey beat Australia's "Lethal" Leisel Jones in the women's 200m breaststroke in world record time, pulling further away from the favorite Jones as the race neared its end.

Soni was the surprise silver medalist in the 100m breaststroke, coming in second to Jones. Rebecca Soni was not even originally scheduled to swim the 100m breaststroke, having finished fourth in the U.S. trials in the event. But she was inserted into the race after a teammate withdrew after having a positive drug test.

In true American melting-pot fashion, Rebecca Soni is the daughter of Hungarian and Romanian immigrants to the U.S.

You can read more about Rebecca Soni's bio silver medal victory and find a Rebecca Soni bio and profile at USA Swimming.

Congrats, Rebecca! I've got a number of friends from the Princeton/Plainsboro area, and I'm sure everyone down there in Central Jersey is very proud of their local girl.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The Rad Girls - Episodes and Behind the Scenes Videos

The three Rad Girls are out to do wacky stunts, pranks, and hidden camera videos, and they don't care who they embarrass (least of all themselves). At the Rad Girls Web site you can view videos, from episodes of their Fuse TV show to behind-the-scenes videos including their crane-lifted wedgie challenge and their tryouts to be strippers.

They're rad, they're bad, they're out to cause mayhem and embarrassment. Follow the adventures of Ramona Cash, Darling Clementine, and Munchie in The Rad Girls.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Montauk Monster Chillin' With His Fellow Celebs - PHOTOS

It's been said that Law of Attraction notes that people are attracted to things that are like themselves. If that's true, then many A-list celebs want to be like a rotting animal carcass, because they've been making a beeline to get close to everyone's favorite "thing," the Montauk Monster.

Doing the fist pump with Barack ... jumping on Oprah's couach ... hangin' with Marlon Brando in a vintage poster for The Godfather ... joining the Full House gang ... the stars all want to hang with Monty!

Celebs love the Monty almost as much as Photoshop does, and that brings up to these photos from the new Montauk Monster mashup site, Some examples here...

Oprah shrieks, "I'm in love! I'm really in love with Monty!!"

(Of course, there are some D-list hangers-on, like Carrot Top here.)

Get this pasty-face, orange-haired FREAK away from me!

Inquiring minds will naturally be asking, John McCain chose the Montauk Monster as his running mate, but there are no pictures of the two of them here. What's up with that?

Patience, dear reader. Johnny Mac knows that Monty is a unique running mate and is letting his light shine all on its own for now. There will be plenty of time for Mac and Monty to do joint appearances, once Monty is done with Jay and Dave and Conan and Rachael Ray (bet you didn't know that the Montauk Monster could cook up a mean lobster tail fra diavlo with linguine and white clam sauce!)

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Montauk Monster 2.0: New Pictures, eBay Auction, and More!

It was sad to think that the feel-good event of this New York summer, the discovery of our very own Montauk Monster, had outlived its 15 minutes of fame. But wait! There's more!

Gawker has put together a photo album in tribute to the Montauk Monster. Called the 2008 Montauk Monster Yearbook, it includes many of the photos of the Monster, as well as some clever take-offs, including the Montauk Monster cuddling up to a woman in an evening gown, the Monster with sunglasses and a hand of playing cards, and even the Monster sticking out of a bucket of KFC! "Finger Lickin' Gross," as the caption says!

Even better, Gawker alerts us to a new site,, that collects some of the best Zelig-like moments of our beloved Monty, including some of the ones mentioned above, plus an ever-growing collection of reader-submitted contris. You can see Monty in The Godfather, as part of the Full House TV gang, and even wading into the political sphere, appearing with Hillary Clinton and doing a fist-bump with Barack! (No word on whether these Democratic photos will have an adverse impact on the Montauk Monster being chosen by John McCain as his VP.)

And... miracle of miracles!... a man has claimed that the Montauk Monster magically appeared on his piece of morning toast!

It's a fitting tribute to the Montauk Monster as we knew him, as he used to be (unfortunately he has now turned to bones and black goo, in a plastic bag in someone's garage).

Saturday, August 02, 2008

John McCain Names the Montauk Monster His Running Mate

Wolf Blitzer breaks the news: McCain picks Montauk Monster for VP!

Seeking to prove that Republicans can offer "change" just as well as the Democrats, John McCain has reached deep into the diversity well and chosen the Montauk Monster as his running mate.

The Montauk Monster, which became an instant celebrity last week after pictures of it lying on a Long Island beach were published in Gawker and other places, has made headlines not just in local news sources like Newsday and the Hamptons' Plum TV, but also Scientific American and CNN.

Approached while running to catch a plane, McCain would neither confirm nor deny the choice of the Montauk Monster as veep, saying only, "The Montauk Monster has touched a lot of Americans in the last week or so, and I know he believes in the values that my campaign is stressing. Like me, Monty shares a love of American freedom and a firm belief that lower taxes, less government regulation, and offshore oil drilling will keep America strong and prosperous."

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was less enthusiastic about the potential VP choice. "An old, decrepit, rotting corpse is not the change America is looking for. And having the Montauk Monster on the ticket doesn't help, either."

Of course, the seemingly dead creature known affectionately as "Monty" must clear some piddling legal hurdles before being able to accept the number-two spot on the Republican ticket: Is he 35 years old? Is he human (I'm not sure if the Constitution specifically demands a "human")? Then there are of course the traditional political skeletons-in-the-closet questions to be tackled: Has the Montauk Monster had any tawdry affairs, hired an illegal nanny, played footsie in an airport bathroom with a Federal agent, etc.