Rudy Giuliani at the RNC: "A Hot Dog is NOT a Sandwich!"

Ah, what's better than a rousing, red-meat Rudy Giuliani speech at the Republican National Committee? Here's what: photos from Rudy's famously over-the-top expressions. Here are a couple of examples.

Testify, Rudy! Maybe on the second night of the convention we can wade into the heated controversy of whether a burrito is a sandwich, or whether ketchup is a vegetable.

Answer: This guy! Rudy looks like Ted Cruz just pranked him by giving him a proctological exam with a hot fireplace poker. Just relax and unclench, it'll be over before you know it. Or maybe Rudy was really thinking, "Who should have been the GOP nominee in 2008? In 2012? In 2016? In EVERY election year?! Meeeeeee!"

Tonight's "Make America Safe Again" sounded more like "Scare the shit out of America so we all hide under the bed curled up in the fetal position."

Night two of #RNCinCLE coming up on Tuesday, July 19th. Tune in 'n' cringe!

Clinton Meets Obama at Her Home; is Said to Demand "The Obama Pound"

[SATIRE] Barack Obama is meeting with Hillary Clinton tonight at her apartment in Washington, D.C. Speculation had focused on Clinton wanting the spot, but recent rumors have said that Clinton wants something else... something more personal... the Obama fist bump, referred to as The Obama Pound.

The whole world saw Obama and his wife Michelle exchanging fist "pounds" on the podium on Tuesday night. Apparently Ms. Clinton saw that and his looking to secure her own piece of street cred and hip-hop cool with the newly minted presumptive Democratic nominee.

Sources close to Mrs. Clinton say that her support of Obama will hinge on whether she can secure the much-coveted Obama Pound. Mrs. Clinton was overhead by observers this afternoon saying, "I'm not coming around, until I get The Pound!"

Told by her staff that her request for the Obama Pound was unusual, unconventional or, well, just plain bizarre, Mrs. Clinton retorted: "I want that friggin' pound! I will get that Obama Pound and I won't go back to Chappaqua without it!"

Mrs. Clinton's staff had no comment on the matter. There were rumors among Michelle Obama's camp that she would not allow her husband to give Mrs. Clinton a fist pound unless Clinton beat Mrs. Obama in a Jell-O wrestling match.

Asked to comment on this rumor, Michelle Obama would say only, "There's always room for Jell-O."