Stock Market Sags - We're Gonna Party Like It's 1997!

As of Monday, Feb. 23, the U.S. stock market has sunk to lows not seen since 1997. So in honor of this 12-year low and the vaporization of bazillions of dollars of wealth, let's look back at some events that occurred in 1997:

* Bill Clinton inaugurated for second term as U.S. President. Cigars and sex scandal to follow.

* Green Bay Packers win Super Bowl 31, their first since 1967. And Brett Favre had another decade-plus to play.

* O.J. Simpson found liable for the deaths of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman in a civil court. (Years later The Juice would get his butt thrown in jail again for armed robbery... doesn't this guy ever learn?)

* the investment banks Morgan Stanley and Dean Witter Reynolds merge. How quaint... back when banking companies were growing instead of imploding!

* The English Patient wins Best Picture at the Academy Awards. People still watched the Oscars back then.

* the U.K. Labour Party wins election, ending 18 years of rule by the Tories. Tony Blair becomes Prime Minister and enjoys popular support. It was not to last.

* IBM's computer Deep Blue defeats Garry Kasparov in a chess match. Deep Blue gets drunk at a party and makes a pass as Karparov's girlfriend, so Karparov shoots and kills the machine.

* Steve Jobs returns to Apple Computer. More than a decade later he's lost hair and weight, but is still wearing the same damn black turtleneck and blue jeans.

* Princess Diana is killed in a car crash in France. Camilla Parker-Bowles marries Prince Charles years later. Britain harnesses the Prince's ears as a source of wind power.